


All I Wanna Do Right Now (Talk Me Down) - INDEFINITE HIATUS

by http_jungkook



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Bulimia, Chaptered, Eating Disorders, F/M, Idol AU, TW: Bulimia, Trainee AU, kihyun fluff, kihyun scenarios, kihyun smut, trigger warning, tw: ed, vocal coach kihyun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-11-16 23:10:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11262969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/http_jungkook/pseuds/http_jungkook
Summary: When your old vocal coach suddenly leaves, his replacement sweetens the deal.Not that you remember what sweet tastes like...





	1. Chapter 1

“Next up, Yeonmi!”

The dance teacher calls out Yeonmi, a 16-month trainee. She walks tentatively to the scale in front of the group, bated breath. You watch her wipe the sweat off her palms. The monthly weigh-in was dreaded by trainees, each girl avoiding dinner the night before in hopes of losing the last few pounds.

“You’ve lost 7lbs. Pretty good, but we want you to lose another 5 by next month.”

Yeonmi exhales, and sits back down behind you. Next to you, Suhyun follows her with her eyes, before turning to whisper.

“How much did you say you’d lost again?”

“4lbs when I checked last night.”

“And we went to the gym this morning…I reckon we’re gonna be in the clear, you know?”

Both of you were. When Suhyun stepped up, she had dropped 9lbs, and you had lost 6. Your goal for next month was to lose another 5 – after that, you’d be in the clear, and your only goal would be to maintain. You two were gushing about your achievements when Yoojung stepped up.

“Yoojung, what was your goal?”

The room falls silent. The dance teacher looks up from her clipboard, and cocks up one eyebrow.

“Erm…to lost 10lbs.”

“Do you think you’ve done everything you could this month?”

“I…well, it was my birthday last week…and I…”

“HAVE YOU” The dance teacher yelled. “Done everything you could, to reach your goals?”

“No, teacher.” Yoojung’s head dropped down, fixed on the floor.

“Do you want to debut, Yoojung?”

“Yes, teacher.”

“Then you need to try. You think this is easy? You think idols get to eat what they want, do what they want, and things will just work out for them?”

“No, teacher.”

“Read out your weight.”

Yoojung bit her lip, her voice cracking slightly as she read the numbers.

“Again. Louder. Clear enough for everyone to hear.”

“118lbs!”

Murmurs spread around the hall. Not only had she failed to meet her target, Yoojung had gained 3lbs. Like she said, her birthday had been last week, and her parents had taken her out for a nice meal, as well as sending her back to the dorm with a box of treats. The other girls had gathered round as she showed off the biscuits and cupcakes, practically drooling at the sight of sugar. But when offered, each and every one had rejected a sweet. Yoojung had held the box out to you with sad eyes, clearly hurt no one wanted to try her mother’s cooking. Pitifully, you took one, and made a show of enjoying the fluffy sponge and creamy frosting. Of course, it had been delicious – you couldn’t remember the last time you’d eaten something so good. But that night, keeled over the toilet seat, Suhyun holding your hair back and rubbing your back as your nails jabbed the back of your throat, it left nothing but an acidic taste in your mouth.

“I don’t understand why you ate it. That could’ve blown your weigh in next week.”

 _I felt bad,_ you wanted to tell her. _It’s her birthday and no one was willing to celebrate it how she wanted because you’re all so obsessed with these shitty diets. Is it even fucking worth it?_

“I don’t know either.”

Now, as the trainees stand to say goodbye to the dance teacher, Yoojung sniffles. You all bow, and once the door is shut, she cries openly. You walk over to her and wrap my arms around her, stroking her hair a little.

“It’s okay, sweetie. I’ll cook something healthy for us all tonight, then we can go to the gym tomorrow morning.”

As you said the words, you were aware it wasn’t comforting. But it was what you all needed if you wanted to debut.

-

There were 8 of you left; you’d been put in dorms 3 months ago after it was confirmed by the company you would be the official line up for their new girl group. You were the second eldest, only behind Yeonmi, and you were one of the vocalists. Other members included Nayoung and Dahye, the rappers, Suhyun and Jimin were the main vocals, Doyeon and Yeonmi were the dancing visuals, then Yoojung was the all-rounder maknae. The longest trainee was Dahye, who joined the company when she was 13, and the shortest was Jimin, whom you nicknamed ‘chick-trainee’ since she’d only been with you for 2 weeks when the line-up was confirmed.

It’s a little past 11pm when you get home that night. Dahye and Doyeon ran to the shower, battling who would get to clean up first. Nayoung went straight to her room, Jimin and Suhyun launched themselves onto the couch to watch the newest episode of a drama, and you went to the kitchen to get started on dinner. You’re inspecting the cupboards, bare excluding the instant noodles and peanut butter, when Yoojung comes in and sits at the table.

“Y’alright, kid?”

“Am I fat, Y/N?”

You turn to her, mouth open slightly. True, her cheeks were round, but the rest of her was very well proportioned – she was only 15, and the shortest member, but she was as healthy as any other girl her age.

But we weren’t ‘other girls’. We were training to be idols.

“No, dumb dumb. You’re healthy and happy and the most talented out of all of us, so who even cares?”

“Teacher looked so mad at me.”

You turn away, and go to look in the fridge for dinner options. Chicken, peppers and carrots were all you had. Unfortunately, you guys had spent your weekly allowance – you couldn’t ask for more money until tomorrow evening.

“She’s just grumpy because she had to become a teacher rather than an idol herself.” You grab the vegetables of the cupboard, and fill a pot with water to boil. Yoojung stand beside you and helps peel the carrots.

“Everyone else reached their target. What do you do to keep it down?”

You gulp. Your diet was mostly just the same as the other girls – low intake, lots of exercise. But every now and then, when a cupcake or pizza slice was forced your way…

“I just got lucky with my metabolism, I think. But more than anything, you need to look after your voice first, okay Yoojung? Your voice is your gift, and you can’t do anything with it if you’re not getting the nutrients you need.”

Yoojung was about to say something, when the lights above your head flickered once, twice, before going out completely.

“NO!”

“We were in the middle of the episode!”

“Will someone bring a torch into the bathroom?”

“This is what you get for throwing my towel away!”

You sigh deeply. Yoojung giggles, reaching into the drawer for the stash of torches you have.

“When we debut, will they pay our electricity bills on time?”

“When we debut, everything will be on time.”

_When we debut, we’ll finally be able to live._

-

You’re sitting in the dance studio, dabbing the sweat off your forehead with the back of your hand. You, Yoojung, Jimin and Nayoung showed up a little past 8, with the other girls joining at 9. You and Jimin were slower at picking up the dance routines, and you girls were working on a dance cover to post in the lead up to your debut, so you needed to perfect it as much as you could. The clock now read 11.30, and you were all taking your ‘lunch break’ – 45 minutes for you all to catch your breath, eat if you were going to that day, or go over the parts you couldn’t wrap your head around. You got out your textbooks, and sat with Dahye to study in your break. You wanted to apply to university, and had entrance exams fast approaching. Suhyun, Yoojung and Jimin all transferred to the same high school as each other so they sat together, sharing a satsuma between the three.

You were working hard on your English exam prep when one of your managers came in. You all jumped up, and bowed once.

“Girls, your old vocal coach has been dismissed.”

Doyeon and Yeonmi whisper, but the Manager Park clears his throat and they promptly hush.

“Your new coach will be coming in to greet you this afternoon. Suhyun, Jimin, Y/N, you’ll be practicing for your covers next week. Dahye, Nayoung, I want you two to finalise your rap so we can record tomorrow. Doyeon, Yeonmi, Yoojung…you have free time. We’ll decide which four of you will do the first dance cover by the end of the day. The two songs we’re looking at right now are EXID’s Night Rather than Day, and Girl’s Days’ I’ll Be Yours. In the next ten minutes if you girls could decide amongst yourselves what you would prefer, and we’ll take preferences into consideration.” He bows slightly, and you all follow suit.

“What do you think happened to Teacher Lee?” Nayoung is the first to speak.

“Maybe he got scouted; that man was like a middle-aged ulzzang.”

You scoff, but Dahye keeps wiggling her eyebrows at you.

“Don’t be stupid – I reckon a different company gave him a better offer. Maybe one of the top 3!” Suhyun narrows her eyes, and Jimin’s mouth drops open.

“Ooooh, conspiracy. I like it.”

“I hope the new guy is as much fun to look at as Teacher Lee.”

“Doyeon, will you get your head out the gutter for five seconds?”

“GIRLS.” All heads snap to you. “Not that this isn’t fascinating, but we can talk about this back home. What we CAN’T talk about is these song covers. Who wants to do what?”

It takes six minutes to divide roles. You, Dahye, Suhyun and Doyeon request EXID’s song, while Yeonmi, Jimin, Nayoung and Yoojung get Girl’s Day’s. After that, you pack up your belongings, cussing under your breath for not having got more done. Suhyun links her arm with yours, and tries to get you to skip with her to the practice room. You drag your feet, so she unlinks and catches up with Jimin, much more willing to gallop along the corridor than you were. They hover outside the door to wait for you to catch up, before swinging the door open to see…no one.

“He’s not here yet.”

Suhyun slumps on the couch. You shut the door carefully behind you.

“May as well start warming up, kids. What song are you covering, Jimin?”

“I was thinking of doing Adele’s ‘Rolling in the Deep’. How about you two?”

“Dammit, I wanted to do an Adele song.”

“I’ll sing-battle you for it!”

Suhyun jumps up at the threat, and hums in an attempt to quickly warm up.

“WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL. ROLLING IN THE DEE-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

A deep voice calls out behind you. All three turn to see a dark haired, dark eyed man stood in the doorway, sheet music in his arm.

“You’re gonna strain your voice before we’ve even started…Suhyun, is it?”

She nods once, and you wonder if she’s as captivated with the sharp jawline and wide smile as you are.

“Sorry, where are my manners? I’m Yoo Kihyun – I’m your new vocal coach.”  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the kudos on the first chapter! i'm gonna try hard to ensure i upload every week, but i work overseas 5 and a half days a week, so i ask you to be patient with me!  
> this thing is gonna have a lot of twists and turns so get ready for that!
> 
> come shout at me on twitter: ft_kihyun

All three of you bow, Yoo Kihyun reciprocating before setting his music sheets down by the keyboard in the room.

“I was given your profiles beforehand, and watched some videos from the company, so I know a little about each of you, but for good measure feel free to introduce yourselves.”

Jimin and Suhyun look to you, and as the eldest you take your cue. You bow again, and find yourself lost in the dark eyes that intently stare at you.

“My name is Y/N, I’m a vocal and the second eldest. I’ve been a trainee for 3 years now, and I would like to cover a Kelly Clarkson song; ‘Already Gone’. If not, then Sandeul’s ‘Stay as You Are’ or Taylor Swift’s ‘White Horse’. I look forward to learning under you, Teacher Yoo.”

“I’ve listened to some of your practices videos, and your first choice may be too challenging at your current skill, but there’s no reason we can’t work hard together towards it, right?” He flashes a smile your way, and your breath hitches. You nod, and sit on the couch, signalling for Jimin to introduce herself.

“My name is Jimin, I’m a main vocal and I’ve been training for nearly 4 months. I’d like to cover Adele’s ‘Rolling in the Deep’, or Ariana Grande’s ‘Dangerous Woman’.”

“You and Suhyun were just arguing over that Adele song, right? It might be better if neither of you cover it – saves further dispute. ‘Dangerous Woman’ will be good for your vocal range.” Jimin sits, and you pat her knee.

“I’m Suhyun, I’ve been with the company for 11 months. Since Adele is off the table, I’d like to cover Taeyang’s ‘Eyes, Nose, Lips’, if possible.”

“You’ve got good tone – there’s no reason you wouldn’t do a good job with that.”

She smiles, and he nods at her to sit down. Kihyun now bows before you all.

“As I said, my name is Yoo Kihyun – you can call me Teacher Yoo for now. I was a trainee myself, but recently graduated university and joined YMP Entertainment to come and be your vocal teacher. I’m only 23, so probably a lot younger than most of your teachers here, but I’d appreciate if you’d treat me as you do any of your seniors.”

Kihyun turns to the keyboard, and Jimin mouths at you ‘ _ 23!’.  _ You grin at her, but as Kihyun clears his throat you drop your smile. Watching as his face turns serious, the three of you stand and warm up together. When he seems satisfied, he claps his hands together.

“Shall we start with the youngest, then?”

Throughout the practice, you’re captivated. listening to Suhyun, and then Jimin each practice their songs, you marvel at everything before you. The way his hands delicately glide over the keys, the way he tilts his head to a side when someone hits a bum note.

Before you knew it, it was your turn.

“Okay, do you want to try ‘Already Gone’ first?”

You nod, and stand up. You brush your hands over your trousers, but you can’t rid your palms of the sheath of sweat.

“Don’t be nervous. If it doesn’t work, we can do something else.”

He smiles at you, eyes crinkling at the sides, and it does nothing to calm you down.  _ Get it together, Y/N. _

As you continue through the song, you feel your nerves slip away. But as you approach the high note, you stumble, and Kihyun’s head ticks to the side.

“Try again.”

He begins playing the piano, and you try again, with a similar effect. Once more, and you feel yourself straining your voice.

“Okay, we know what to work on. Have you been straining yourself recently? Your throat sounds quite hoarse today.”

Yoojung’s cupcake flashes in your mind, and the sting of the acid in your throat. Instead of answer, you shake your head, feigning clueless.

“Well, go drink some warm honey after this. And plenty of water, all three of you. Go to the pharmacy and get some vitamins, and eat three meals a day. These managers will be mad at me for telling you this, but your talent is more important than your looks.”

You chuckle, and wonder how much experience Kihyun has had with trainees to think looks didn’t mean anything. You spend the next hour going over vocal warm ups and trying to improve your tone, before Doyeon and Nayoung come through for their practice time.

“Thank you, Teacher Yoo.” You bow, and take your cue to leave.

“Thank you, girls. I’ll put a timetable up on the door for practices tomorrow. Be sure to check in the morning.”

Doyeon wiggles her eyebrows as the door shuts behind her, and you turn to face Suhyun and Jimin.

“Oh…my…god!”

“Shut up, Chickie, we’re still in earshot!” Suhyun clips Jimin’s ear.

“I can’t help it; he’s gorgeous!”

“He’s too old for you, anyway. Doyeon on the other hand looked very keen.”

“I don’t know; the way he showed concern for Y/N’s voice was very sweet.”

“Both of you need to shut up. He’s just a vocal coach – we need to go and practice our choreography, so put it out of your mind.”

“Ooooooo, someone’s sensitive today.” Jimin rubs her shoulders against you.

You involuntarily look over your shoulder, at the door behind you. You can imagine Doyeon flashing her big brown eyes, flipping her hair back and laughing.

“He’s just another pretty face. But I don’t need someone to look at – I need someone to teach me. You should all think of him the same way.”

You walk ahead, entering the dance room first. You pull your hair back into a pony tail, and join Dahye and Yeonmi mid-routine.  _ If he can help me debut, that’s all I need. _

-

Your covers are confirmed that evening, and you spend every evening after school going over the vocals. Your days feel monotonous: waking at 5am, going for an hour run, showering, grab breakfast and heading to school. Your lunch is always the same; a smoothie and revision, or perhaps you’d treat yourself by shutting your books and laughing with your classmates. You might see Nayoung and Doyeon around, but they were in the same class as each other so rarely had the same lunch break as you. Then, more classes, a bus ride to the studio, and back into practicing.

It wasn’t until Thursday that you schedule changed slightly.

Despite setting three alarms, you’re late. You had to forgo your run all together, and since you hadn’t had any time to make a smoothie you grab some loose change and hoped it’ll be enough for a bread bun from the school cafeteria. You dash out the dorm, cussing your members under your breath for not having woken you up earlier, when your foot gives way under you. Head first, you’re launched across the pavement and scrape your front across the concrete. The stinging in your knee must wait, however, as you’re still late. You round the corner to your bus stop, only to see the bus about 50 feet gone.

Backpack slumping off your shoulder, you stand open mouthed, panting. You consider ringing the company to request money for a cab, but you know they’d just take it out of your weekly food budget. You couldn’t do that to the girls. You’d ring Yeonmi, since she was the only member with a license and a car, but she’d never be willing to leave university to come and give you a lift. It’s a 50-minute walk, but the next bus would arrive in 30 minutes, and take 25 minutes to get to school. Either way, you class started in 15 minutes – being 10 minutes late might have been excusable, but over an hour? You’d be lucky if the teacher let you step foot in the classroom.

Shifting the strap of your bag into a more comfortable position, you begin your trek. You’re about 5 minutes into your journey when you smell a warm, soft aroma. The bakery down the street is too tempting, and your morning has already been ruined –  _ why not let temptation win, just this once? _

Peering through the window, you feel yourself salivate at the delicacies inside. You’re almost completely gone when you hear someone clear their throat behind you.

“Y/N?”

You spin around to apologise, and come face to face with dark eyes, dark hair, and a sharp jaw.

“Teacher Yoo!” You bow to him, but he shakes a hand in front of you.

“We’re not in the practice rooms – you don’t need to do anything like that out here! Shouldn’t you be in school right now?”

“Oh, I, erm, missed my bus.”

“So, you thought you’d comfort yourself with something delicious, right?”

You lower your head, ashamed.  _ He probably thinks you’re a pig, Y/N.  _ Rather than judgement, however, you hear a chuckle.

“Good. I’m glad to see you taking care of yourself. Since you seem to be having a hard time, how about I treat you, just this once?”

“Oh no, I don’t need anything like that-”

“C’mon, come pick something. Don’t tell the others though, okay?”

He smiles at you, and your heart flutters softly, a hummingbird in your chest.

Inside the store, you pick out an item – melon bread – and Kihyun orders two of them, along with two red bean buns. Stepping back outside, he turns sharply to face you.

“Next, we need to get you to school. I’m parked just up the road, so let’s go.”

“That’s not necessary, honestly, I can just walk!”

“Not with an injury like that, you won’t.” He points at your knee, which had been dripping down your leg the entire time. “Let’s prioritise that; there’s a convenience store down the street, so wait here.”

Before you have the chance to protest again, Kihyun darts off. You lean against the wall, and peer at your knee. You’d scraped off quite a bit of skin, it seems, and blood had run down your leg and stained the top of your socks. You pick out a couple pieces of dirt, and are blowing on it when Kihyun returns. He’s gained another carrier bag, and when you throw a quizzical look his way he presents band aids.

“How long were you walking around like this?”

“Only a couple of minutes.”

“Why do trainees never take care of themselves, honestly?” He reaches inside one of the bags, and retrieves an antiseptic wipe, along with the box of plasters.

“I can do that!”

“Don’t worry about it; hold this, will you?” He hands you the plastic bags. He tears the pack with his teeth, then kneels beside you. Your hands instinctively press against your school skirt, suddenly self-conscious of the proximity. He blows lightly on your wound, then dabs the cloth. You hiss at the sting, and he looks up.

“Does it hurt too much?”

“No…it’s fine, just a shock I guess.”

“I’ll be quick.” He wipes your knee with pressure, before running up from your ankle to remove the dried blood. He opens the pack, and chooses the largest size. “This ought to cover everything well.” He smoothes the plaster out with his thumbs, and smiles up at you when the job is complete.

“Thank you.” Your cheeks feel warm, and you struggle to make eye contact at first. He rises, and takes back the plastic bags.

“Now, school?”

He walks you to his car, a black Honda Civic,  and holds the door open for you. Once inside, you take a couple of seconds to adjust to your surroundings. The interior was very clean – cleaner than Yeonmi’s car, at least. As he puts the keys in the ignition, a CD starts playing, and your mouth drops.

“You know Troye Sivan?” The lyrics of ‘Bite’ fill the car, and you remember last summer, when you, Dahye and Nayoung had nagged Yeonmi to drive you out of the city, and you’d strained your voices singing along to ‘Blue Neighbourhood’. You’d been reprimanded twice by the company that day – once for wasting your rest day, and once for ruining your voices for the next couple days.

“Not all of his stuff, just this one song. My flatmate made this CD; he was sick of hearing demos and instrumentals.”

“You make a lot of music?”

“Not lots; I more listen to other people’s. I’ve got a couple friends that produce and used to pay me to sing their guides.”

“Not anymore?”

“Now I’m loyal to YMP.” He shoots a smile at you, wiggling his eyebrows slightly. You giggle. “Right, so where is your school?”

You direct him across the city, filling the silences with small talk about trainee life. The journey only takes 10 minutes, meaning you’ll only actually be 15 minutes late. You sit in the car a moment outside the school gates.

“Wait, before you go…” He reaches into the carrier bag and pulls out a red bean bun. Rather than hand that to you, however, he passes the bag to you.

“But, these are yours…”

“I know how strict the company can be, but you need to look after yourself, Y/N. Share the bread with the girls at home, or eat them all yourself. You’re very pretty; I’d hate to see you lose that because the company makes you feel like you’re not good as you are. Enjoy the bean bun too – it’s my favourite.”

“Thank you, Teacher Yoo.”

“Agh, don’t call me that outside the company. It feels far too formal; if we aren’t in the building, Kihyun will do fine.”

“Well, thank you, Kihyun.”

“Much better. Now, go go go!” He ushers you away, and you nod before hopping out the car. You turn and wave once, then he drives away.

_ ‘You’re very pretty; I’d hate to see you lose that.’ _

It’s impossible to stop yourself from smiling, even as you walk into class late and the teacher scolds you. At lunch, you take out the red bean bun and smile again.

“Waaaaaah! Y/N is eating at lunch!”

“What are you talking about? I always have lunch!”

“No, you normally have those smoothies. Not REAL food.”

“Shut up, Bora.”

“Did you buy it yourself? Is it your birthday?”

“No, my…friend bought it for me. He also gave me a lift to school; it’d be rude not to eat it.”

“‘HE’? Well, eat well, Y/N.” Her eyes narrowed, and you throw a pen at her.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing at all. Just eat up, then come help me with algebra, okay?”

That evening, you offer the melon bread to your members, and carefully cut the two loaves into 8 pieces. Later, when you’re in your bed, Dahye snoring softly in the bed beside you, you take out the other red bean bun. You vow to yourself to keep this down, and though you wake up in the morning feeling bloated, you still leave the dorm smiling, eager for your next vocal training lesson.

-

“Y/N! I need you to do me a favour?”

Suhyun barrels over to you across the practice room, and kneels beside you. You were reading a book for your literature class as a break before your singing lesson, but the frantic look in her eye made you think any plans you had were about to change. You peer over your reading glasses to look at her.

“I need to trade singing lessons with you, please?”

“Why? Mine starts in 10 minutes – why can’t you wait for yours?”

“Mine isn’t until the end of the day; I’m supposed to be going for dinner with Chanhyuk tonight for his birthday but I won’t make it if I stay here until 9pm!”

You scoffed. Her brother had enlisted, so realistically this might be the last birthday they spend together for two years, but nonetheless you were pissed. You knew by staying late, you’d be walking back to the dorm alone, since most girls left by 7. A smaller voice also reminded you that, if you stayed late, you’d be far sweatier than you are now, so not gonna be in the best state to see Kihyun.

Through the week, you’d been working in your groups to work on harmonies. Each session, you’d been stealing glances, and every now and then your eyes would meet, and you’d have to look away. Sometimes, when you looked back, he would still be watching you, corner of his lips turned up. This was the first time you’d have a one-on-one lesson, and while you’re 90% sure this is all in your head, you were just looking forward to spending some time with him.

“I’ll do anything – I’ll cook for a week!”

“No you won’t; you’ll poison us all!”

“Okay, I’ll come grocery shopping with you; I’ll carry the rice bags every time for the next 10 trips!”

Your dorm was on the third floor, so every week it was a battle to get one of the girls to help you carry your groceries up the stairs. While you were already prepared to say yes to Suhyun, this certainly did sweeten the deal.

“10 times, guaranteed, okay?”

“Thank you thank you thank you!” She reaches over you and hugs you, crumpling the book between the two of you.

“Have fun with your brother. And go warm up, you’ve got 7 minutes before your lesson.” She nods aggressively, and gathers her things before running down the hall. She passes Yeonmi, who laughs and points after her.

“Who set fire to her panties?”

“Horrible word, please never use it again.” She sits down next to you, and peers over your book to see what you’re reading.

“Teacher Yoo was asking about you.” You’re mid page-turn, but freeze at the comment. “I think he’s got a soft spot for you, you know?”

“Pft, unlikely.”

“Oh my god, you like him, don’t you?”

“Shut up, that’s ridiculous.”

“What happened to ‘I only need someone to teach me’? Did you get lost in his eyes too?”

“Shut up.”

“I don’t blame you; he’s charming, a little bit cocky, plus his voice. I didn’t know anyone would beat Teacher Lee, but…damn.”

“Can we please change the topic?”

“What are you two talking about?” Jimin stands over you two.

“Not much, Chickie. Y/N has the hots for Teacher Yoo, is all.”

“YEONMI!”

“That is soooooo cute! You know, he was asking me about you in my lesson today.”

“Seriously? He asked about her in mine! What did he ask you?”

“Just wanted to know how she was, asked about the dorm life and I said she took care of us.”

“Aw, that’s so cute; he asked me about everyone’s uni plans – apparently he got into the same university you want to apply to, Y/N!”

“Oh my god they could bond over unis and she can cook for him and he can help her sing!”

“Will you guys quit talking about me like I’m not here?”

“Not until you admit you love Teacher Yoo!” Yeonmi leans against you, while Jimin wiggles her eyebrows.

“Fine! I may like Teacher Yoo more than a student-teacher situation. But it’s just a little crush; he has no interest in me and as I just said – he is my teacher.” You finally shut your book. “I just need to try get over this, and everything will be okay.”

“Yeah, but where’s the fun in getting over someone, when…” Yeonmi covers Jimin’s ears, who rolls her eyes at the action “When getting under someone would be so much better?”

“I still heard that.” Jimin shakes her head, and Yeonmi laughs. “But for reals, this is very cute. I was starting to doubt you felt ANYTHING, to be honest. Keep me updated on all of this, okay?” She puts her hand on your knee, and pushes herself up. “C’mon Yeonmi, I need you to show me how to do the chorus choreography again.”

Yeonmi hugs you from the side, and shuffles forward.

“You’ll be alright, kid. Liking boys suck, but if you ever wanna talk about it, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks, but it’s really not that big a deal.”

“Whatever you say.” On that note, she stands, and holds out a hand. “Will you come spot check our routine?”

“It’d be my pleasure.”

-

Sure enough, half the girls are gone by 7. You, Dahye and Doyeon are still practicing your EXID routine, but as soon as Jimin is done with her singing lesson you tell them to head home.

“We’ll put the rice cooker on for you when we get home!”

“Thank you!”

You wave to them as they walk away, before taking a deep breath and turning to walk to your corridor. You hover outside the door, but you don’t have the chance to open it, since someone inside beats you to it.

“Oh! Y/N!” Kihyun’s hair was brushed back, like he’d been running his fingers through it. You wondered if the others had been stressing him out. “I was just coming to look for you; I was worried you’d headed home with the other girls! Come in, come in.”

You bow slightly as you enter, and put your bags down by the couch. Kihyun smiles widely at you, and sits behind the keyboard. You sit down, and smile back for a moment too long. Shaking your head, you stand back up, which earns a chuckle out of Kihyun. You rub your palms, coated with a layer of sweat, on your leggings, and start your warm up. Unsure where to look, you eventually settle on a spot just below the clock in the room. Once your warm up is done, you start working on your parts of the EXID cover.

“Now, you’ve been assigned Hani’s parts, right?”

You nod once. Suhyun is the main vocal, so was given all the high notes, while Dahye is the rapper. To make things fair, Yeonmi and you flipped a coin – these were the roles you were given, and secretly you were over the moon to have gotten more lines.

“It’s a big part, so let’s make sure you knock it out of the park. This cover is gonna be a great chance for you guys to show off your skills; after all, you’re a very talented group of girls.”

You were beginning to realise this might just be Kihyun’s personality – maybe he just aimed to make all his students feel good about themselves. You cussed at yourself for misunderstanding any situations, and finally looked down from the clock. You continue with your practice, but continuously stumble over one line.

“Butterflies in my mi-i-IND.”

“Again; hold the note longer.”

“Butterflies in my mi-I-I-IND.”

“Don’t shout it. Go again.”

“BUTTERFLIES in my mi-i-i-ind”

“Okay, stop a sec.” He holds up a hand, and runs his hands through his hair. His dark, fluffy hair. 

_ God dammit. _

“Sorry.” You slump your shoulders, and take a deep breath.

“Don’t apologise. I’m here to teach you, so let’s try something different.” Walking over to you, he pauses inches in front of you. “I think you’re probably pushing your neck too far forward when you sing and it’s distorting the note. I’m gonna put my hand on your forehead. When the big note comes up, I want you to push against me, okay?”

Hesitantly, you watch him brush a few hairs out of your eyes, and a shiver runs down your spine. He slowly places his hand against your head, pinkie finger gently rubbing your hairline. The room falls silent, and you’re conscious of your quickening heart rate. Can he feel your pulse right now? You stare at him, and he nods for you to begin.

“Butterflies in my mi-i-i-IND.”

“Nearly; that was good. Just the last little bit, we want it all the same volume, just a different note, okay?”

Another deep breath.

“Butterflies in my mi-i-i-ind.”

“That was it! You’ve got it; go again!”

His smile eggs you on. This time, you really push.

“Butterflies in my mi-i-i-ind!” You push a little too hard, and stumble forward. Luckily, Kihyun’s more stable than you, and is quick to catch you.

“Whoa there! Love the enthusiasm, but don’t go falling for me there.”

“Huh?” Hyperaware of the hands still gripping your arms, you look up at him in confusion.

“Don’t go falling on me. You’ve gotta dance in this routine too, haven’t you?” He releases you, and you let out an awkward giggle.

“Yeah…right.” You step backwards, and Kihyun returns to the keyboard.

“Now, shall we move on?”

-

Your lesson overruns by half an hour, mainly because Kihyun spent 15 minutes asking about your university plans. He offered to give you his revision notes for when he took the entrance exam, and asked about your dorm life a little bit. You told him about the troubles of sharing a room with Dahye – while it’s good deeply she sleeps, she snores like an old man with a blocked nose – and how much the girls liked the present the other day.

“You did share it with everyone then?”

“I couldn’t keep them to myself; if it wasn’t for some of the girls getting pocket money, I don’t think we’d survive.”

“You’re very considerate, you know? Have you considered being the leader when you debut?”

“Yeonmi is older than me – everyone is expecting her to be given that role. I’ll just sit in the background and clean and cook.”

“What would they do without you, Y/N?”

“Probably finish their routines sooner, since I’m pissing about – I mean, mucking about, sorry!”

Kihyun cracked up at that.

“You can swear, it’s alright. But you make a good point, let’s get back to practicing.”

Now, you’re walking side by side down the corridor. Even the receptionist had gone; only idols that were scheduled to have comebacks remained in the building. It’s dark out, and you turn to say goodbye to Kihyun, pulling your headphones out of your pocket.

“Sorry for making you stay late, Teacher Yoo.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. How are you getting home?”

“Erm, I’m walking. It’s only a couple blocks away” 18 blocks, to be exact. “Do you live far away?”

“Only a couple minutes when I drive.”

You linger a moment, about to turn when Kihyun opens his mouth once more.

“C’mon, it’s not safe for you to walk alone. I’m parked up the street here.”

“It’s okay, I do it all the time.” Honestly, the idea of getting a lift was tempting. But you knew better than to be a burden, and you didn’t want to keep encouraging yourself. “Plus, I could do with the exercise.”

You laugh awkwardly, but Kihyun furrows his eyebrows.

“Don’t be ridiculous; you’re perfect as you are. But that’d be ruined if someone were to kidnap or stab you or something, so let me give you a lift, okay? For my peace of mind?”

His face is painted with genuine concern, so after a moment’s consideration you stuff your headphones back into your pocket and nod. His face brightens momentarily, but he regains composure. You follow him to his car, and once again find yourself sat in the sleek interior, with Kihyun shutting the door behind you. He slides into his seat, and with the turn of the ignition brings the radio to life. Like before, Troye Sivan’s voice fills the car.

“Another mix-tape?”

“His own CD, actually. After you mentioned liking him, I thought I’d check out his work.” Your heart flutters a little. “Where is your dorm?”

You say the address, and his head snaps to look at you.

“You said a couple blocks?”

“Sorry, I know it’s an inconvenience. You can just drop me off wherever and I’ll walk the rest.”

“It’s not that. You were gonna walk half an hour alone?”

“Normally I have someone else. I get to wait for whoever is last; it didn’t seem right to make any of the other girls wait for me though – they’ve had a long day.”

“You have too. You shouldn’t forget to look after yourself, Y/N.”

“I do, but someone needs to look after those girls too. You used to be a trainee, you must understand.”

“Things were different at the company I was with – it was a lot more ‘dog-eat-dog’; it wasn’t until your group had debuted that people started to become friends.”

“Is that why you left?”

“Partly. The whole company was pretty dark. They would basically expect us to starve ourselves, wouldn’t pay for our electricity, plastic surgery was often in the contracts we would sign if we were debuting. With one guy, they broke his feet so they would reset in a way that meant he could dance better.”

“Geez. Seriously?!”

“That was breaking point for me...sorry, that was a bad choice of words. I’ve always been a bit…’softer’, as my mum used to say, so I struggled to keep up with the dieting and the restrictions.”

“‘Softer’, I like that. Yoojung always worries about herself, I’ll have to see how she likes being called ‘softer’.”

“See, that’s why I like being at this company. Girls like you are refreshing – knowing there’s more than just dieting.”

You bite your lip.  _ Oh, if only he knew. _

“Surely there were some good girls at your old company.”

“Nothing like the ones here.” His comment hangs in the air, before quickly amending his statement. “I mean, you’re all very talented. It’s nice being able to work with such talented girls.” He clears his throat. “At my old company, you weren’t allowed to look at any of the girl group trainees, let alone hang out or get to know them. God, if my old manager could see me driving a girl like you around…”

“He’d tell you how much better you could do, probably.” You laugh, and point right to direct his driving.

“What are you talking about?”

“A guy like you, I bet girls were beating down your door. It’s just the building on the right here.”

“‘A guy like me’; what, someone with shocking good looks, or a voice like an angel?” He smirks at you, and you scoff a laugh as he pulls up next to your building.

“See, you knew exactly what I meant. No need for me to boost your ego.”

“It’d sound nicer if you said it though.” 

You sit, mouth hanging open.  _ Is he actually flirting? This isn’t just him raising trainee’s confidence - this feels like actual, real life flirting. _

“Let me get that for you.” You’re still shocked as he dashes out of the car, and in a flash is beside you, holding open the door. 

“Thank you, Teacher Yoo.” He winces, and you correct yourself. “I mean, Kihyun.” You step out, and he holds the door open a moment longer. “I feel bad, this is the second time you’ve had to drive me about.”

“It’s for purely selfish reasons, I promise you. I don’t think I’d forgive myself if something bad were to happen to you.”

He shuts the door, but you can’t will your feet to walk to your door.  _ Not yet. It’s too soon to leave now.  _

“I...erm...it’s a beautiful night, huh?” Your brain scrambles for topics of conversation.

“Yeah,” Kihyun exhales softly, “it is.”

He leans against the car with you, and you attempt to conceal your smile.

“Do you, um, have any plans this evening?”

“Nope; just heading home and lesson prep, I think. You?”

“Just studying and showering. I smell gross after all those dance practices.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you smell great.” It seems his mouth betrayed him, because he looks to you for a response and quickly blurts out his next line. “You haven’t got any hot dates?”

“God, no! No, no, no, no. No dates. Ever.”

“So, that’s a ‘no’ then?” Your reaction earnt a snicker from the man beside you. Pouting, you nudge him jokingly, and he leans into you. He faces you head on, and in the light of the street lamps you notice his eyes course over your features, before settling on your lips for an instant longer.

“You should probably head inside.” His eyes meet yours, a dark look shining through. 

“Yeah, I should.” His hand brushes yours, just for a moment, and it sends a tingle up your spine. Your breath hitches.

“Is this a bad idea?” It’s barely a whisper; his face close enough to yours that you can feel his hot breath against your skin.

“Definitely.” You stand up right, and feel his lips hover over yours.  _ Do it, do it, do it.  _ He closes the gap, and presses his mouth against yours. The kiss is slow, tentative, and any concerns of this being inappropriate melt away as his hand cups the back of your neck, pushing you deeper into his mouth. Your palms press flat against his chest, and the hand behind your neck moves to hold your cheek, the settling on your hip. Your hands slide under his shirt, and sit on his waist, pulling him closer. The skin-to-skin contact causes him to open his eyes, and pull away. 

“We are gonna get in so much trouble.”

“Not if we don’t tell anyone.”

“You’re the student - this is gonna be worse for me than it is for you.”

“Does that mean you want to stop?” You’re aware of the fact his hand hasn’t moved from your face, and the other has made it’s way to the small of your back.

He considers for a second.

“Maybe just for tonight - you have school in the morning, after all.”

You laugh, and he moves his hand down to yours, and links your fingers in his. He pecks a kiss on your nose, and steps away. 

“We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

With that, he walks to his car door, and before stepping inside, looks over at you and laughs.

“I can see how red your cheeks are in the dark.”

Your hands cover them instantly.

“It’s not a bad thing. It’s cute. You’re really cute.”

He drives away, and you walk to your dorm like you’re floating on air. Entering, you see all the lights still on, so call out to say you’re home.

In the kitchen, the girls are sitting around the table. Normally, you’d see one of them sat on the floor or counter, since your dorm only had 6 chairs, but Suhyun’s absence meant they all fit snugly around the worn out wooden table. Doyeon is resting her feet on Yeonmi’s lap, and Jimin is doing her homework when she notices you.

“Y/N! We only just started eating - grab some rice. Yoojung and Nayoung made kimchi jjigae!”

“Smells great.”

“How was your singing lesson?”

You pause mid-scoop, and clear your throat.

“It was good. Got more out of it than I expected.”

“So you’re hitting your high notes?” Doyeon asks, mouth full of tofu.

“Nearly!” You shuffle in between Yeonmi and Dahye, balancing between two seats.

“Awesome. You know, I wasn’t too sure about Teacher Yoo, since he’s so young, but I think he might be good for us.”

“As long as Y/N doesn’t scare him away.”

“YEONMI!”

“Oh my god, Y/N! Do you have a thing for Teacher Yoo?”

“No!”

“Liar!”

“Oh my god.” You put your head on the table, and Dahye pats your head.

“I don’t blame you girl. He’s a fine piece of ass.” 

“Seriously, stop talking.”

“You’ve gotta be careful though, Y/N.” Nayoung points her chopsticks at you. “I found something out today.” Everyone leans in. “The reason Teacher Lee got dismissed? He was found in a sunbae’s dorm.”

There’s an audible gasp.

“They were filming a reality show; camera crews came around and everything! It cost the company thousands to silence all those witnesses, and Teacher Lee was fired on the spot.”

“What happened to the sunbae?”

“Nothing! Apparently, her group are one of the biggest in our company, and she is supposed to be releasing a solo album this month.”

“Do you think it’s-”

“Definitely her.”

“So all I’m saying is; be careful.” She leans back in her chair. “What am I saying? You’re smart enough not to do anything anyway.”

“Yeah, our Y/N will be fine. Look, but don’t touch, right?” Dahye snorts with laughter at her own joke, and you swallow your rice hard.

 

_ ‘We are gonna get in so much trouble.’ _

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, i love your feedback; both constructive and positive! let me know your thoughts and feelings, and thanks for all the kudos!  
> this is just a bit of a fluff chapter, but sets up for a nice one to follow  
> enjoy~~

Your eyes glaze over. You’ve been staring at the ceiling for the past half hour. The guilt of your actions last night, followed by Nayoung’s revelation, has kept you tossing and turning. You turn to stare out the large window beside your bed. Outside, the sun is rising. On your other side, Dahye snores. You need to be up in an hour, so should really try as hard as possible to get some more sleep. But no matter how many times you shut your eyes, rest evades you. You can’t stop picturing him.

The street lights bounce off his smile as he looks you up and down, before asking you not to walk home alone. His humming echoes around the car, fingers tapping on the steering wheel. His lips feel soft against yours, and you smile when you remember his hand stroking up and down your back. 

Dahye stirs, and you turn to see her sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

“What time is it?”

“Nearly 5.”

“Gross.” She immediately lies back down, and you chuckle. Shutting your eyes, you make one last attempt at sleep, only to awaken 20 minutes later.

_ This is going to be a long day. _

-

“Aw, Y/N. You’ve been put last again.”

Jimin holds the schedule in front of your face. You take it, and sure enough, the singing lessons reads:

-Doyeon

-Yeonmi

-Suhyun

-Jimin

-Yoojung

-Y/N

You’re certain there’s a reason for this, but you decide to play it off.

“I asked to be.”

“You did?” Her eyebrows knit together, and she awaits your explanation.

“Yeah, I did. I’ve been struggling the most - I wouldn’t want to make anyone else’s lessons late because it’s taking more time for me to learn.” She doesn’t fully buy it, so you try to pad it out. “Plus, I didn’t like the idea of any of you guys walking home that late at night.”

“Y/N!” She pouts at you cutely, and you push her side. “We’re so lucky to have you.”

“Yes, you are. Now let me hear your high notes.”

You watch her sing Minah’s lines in I’ll Be Yours, but it’s impossible for you to focus. All through school, you’d found your mind wandering. In Maths class, you actually drifted off for 10 minutes. It was only when Bora hit the back of your head with a pen that you zoned back in. While in the studio, you were able to focus on what was going on around you more - girls were coming and asking you questions, the dance teacher yelling instructions at you, there was so much going on. But sure enough, when 8.30 came around and Yoojung walked out of her singing lesson, there was only one thing on your mind. Your pulse races as you smile at the three maknaes, then walk to meet your fate. 

You knock once on the door, and enter.

“Ah, Y/N.” He’s sitting behind the keyboard, pen in hand, scribbling furiously. His eyes flicker over you once, before returning to his writing. “I just need to finish writing up my notes, if you want to start warming up.” 

You stare blankly at him, and he looks up at you. He winks once, and you shut your mouth sharply. Shutting the door behind you, you put your bags down and warm up. He finishes writing while you’re mid-scale, and walks around the keyboard, leaning against it as you finish.

“Okay, that was good. I’ve been thinking about what would be the best use of our time today, and we should get the lesson out of the way before we...proceed with anything else. Does that work for you?”

You’d been waiting to see him all day, and talk through what had happened last night, so this proposal wasn’t what you were wanting, but it did make sense. No matter what the outcome, he would still be your teacher. You nodded, and breathe deeply. He smiles, sitting down, and gestures for you to start.

For about half an hour, you successfully focus on nothing but your practice. But around 9pm, you sense Kihyun’s professionalism waver.

“You need to improve your posture.”

He cuts you off mid-line, and you turn to look at him, blinking hard.

“Sorry, Teacher Yoo?”

“Stand upright; don’t slump as much.”

You roll your shoulders and stand tall. Beginning from the start of the chorus, you get to the same place as before when he holds his hand up to stop you.

“You’re still not standing straight.”

“I’m as upright as I can be, sir.”

“Not quite. Look.” He stands up and strides over to you. Placing one hand on your stomach, the other on the small of your back, he pulls you upright slightly.

“Now sing.”

Again, you sing the chorus, this time being allowed to finish your part. You’re focusing hard on your breathing, trying to ignore the soft strokes along your spine.

“Much better.” The hand on your front drops, but the one on your back remains. “Look at yourself in the mirror a second.” The hands move to your hips, and position you in front of the mirror wall. His hold is firm, and he steps up behind, his breath hot on the back of your neck. “Stand as you were before.” 

You relax slightly. 

“Now up again.” 

You return to the position Kihyun had just had you in. 

“See the difference?”

Nodding, you catch his eyes in the mirror, and he smirks at you, before removing his hands. You bite your lip at the sudden cool air where he once was, but he isn’t done yet.

“If you’re doing a ballad, you’ll have to work with a mic stand. Let me grab one, just a second.”

He leaves the practice room, and you slump momentarily.  _ These are normal teaching pointers, Y/N. Get your shit together.  _ The door opens back up, and you shoot upright. He smiles at you, and sets the mic stand in front of you.

“Okay, let’s try singing with the actual microphone.”

He leans against the wall, and watches you. You look at him, and he points to you, then to the mirror. Meeting your own eyes, you stand the way you’d be instructed. But sure enough, Kihyun had comments to make once you started singing.

“You’re losing it. The prop has thrown you off, see what you’ve gotta do is…”  _ Of course,  _ you think as you watch him propel off the wall to come stand behind you. You press your lips tightly together, and feel his hands on your shoulders. Before he was solid, commanding, but this time his touch is light, tracing down your arms and laying his hands over yours. He brings them round to the mic stand, where you grasp on. Barely making contact, his hands make their ways back up your forearms, then sit on your waist. You lean back into the touch, and he clears his throat, reminding you of your posture. Shooting upright, he chuckles in your ear. 

“Don’t lose your focus now, Y/N.”

“I’m trying, but there’s just so many distractions, Teacher Yoo.”

“That’s half the fun, though.”

The rest of the practice is filled with moments like that. He ‘bumps’ into you when you’re going to the bathroom. He delicately lifts your chin to ‘open your airways’, thumb brushing along your jawline tenderly. Everything comes to a head when you decide to fight back.

Kihyun’s sitting back behind the keyboard. He’d taken a break from teasing you, and nodded along as you sang scales. You finish singing an F scale, and reach for your bottle of water, when an idea dawns. 

“What else have you got planned for me today then?”

“Not much more, to be honest. Maybe a couple more scales as a warm down.” He turns the page of the book on the music stand.

“Ooh, let me see.” You move around, behind the keyboard, and sit down on the bench next to him. He looks a little surprised by the sudden proximity, and stumbles over his words.

“Oh, erm, okay. Well, it’s just sheet music really.”

You shuffle closer, pressing your leg up against him. You watch the corner of his mouth threaten to upturn, momentarily, before he turns another page. 

“You wanna...erm...try doing an F scale?”

“Sure!” You flip your hair back over your shoulder, and roll your shoulders back. You start singing, and as you reach the higher notes, you place your hand on his thigh. The higher the note, the higher you let your hand slide up, until you reach the top note, and slowly slide back down again. You look to him, and become aware of his rigidity under your touch. 

“Was that okay?”

Rather than respond, Kihyun turns the page. You worry you’ve pushed it too far, and begin to pull away, when his hand catches your fingers. You look down, and back up at him. He still isn’t looking at you, but his thumb brushes over your knuckle.

“Is it time to talk yet?”

You hear the clock ticking, filling the emptiness. Waiting for an answer, a knot tightens in your stomach. After what feels like an eternity, he turns to look at you; really look at you. You watch his eyes scan your face - your eyes, your cheeks, before settling on your lips. You audibly gulp, and that makes him smile. That smile, that stupid, smug smile; that’s what makes you lean in. 

By the end, you’re feeling a little light headed, and you can confidently say this hasn’t been the most productive lesson you’ve had.

The alarm marking 9.30 goes off on Kihyun’s phone. You finally pull away, in awe at the plump, pink lips inches from your face. Kihyun’s hand is currently cupping the side of your face, the other holding you against him. Your hands are on his neck, and you so badly want to pull him back in.

“Have you got a way home?”

You pout your lips and shake your head. His eyes crinkle, and he laughs, loosening his grip.

“Okay, no need to be cute. Let’s go.”

You walk out together, and remain silent to his car. Once inside, the radio begins playing, a weather announcement letting you know of the increasing humidity. 

“So...How was your day?”

You simper, the nerves in your voice apparent as you try to make small talk.

“It was good, actually. Spent the morning working with one of your sunbae groups; you’re in a company with a lot of very talented ladies.”

You suck your teeth, and nod.

“Did you get up close with them and their mic stands, too?”

“Don’t worry, Y/N. I only keep those lessons for the best girls.” You snap your head to look at him, and he winks at you.

“Are you always this confident?”

“I try to be.”

“You must do this a lot, if you’re so sure of yourself.”

“Do what a lot?”

“Pick up girls. Are they all trainees, too?”

Kihyun scoffs.

“You’re starting to sound jealous, you know?”

“You didn’t answer the question, though.”

“No, I do not ‘pick-up’ trainees. Not even when I was a trainee.”

“Really?”

“I told you before; my old company wouldn’t even let us talk to the girl groups.”

You recall hearing about the cruel conditions of his trainee days. 

“I like you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

His eyes are trained on the road, so when you look at him it’s hard to tell if he really did speak.

“I know it’s a bit risky, but what I’ve seen so far of you, I like you. You’re caring, you’re talented, and you really are one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen.” He indicates, and pulls up outside your building. “Also, you’re a pretty good kisser.”

Your cheeks redden, and you’re thankful for the dark street to hide your embarrassment. 

“I just worry…”

“That’s understandable.” He turns to face you, and you bite the inside of your cheek. “If it’s too much, we can nip it in the bud. But if you trust me, I’d love to get to know you better.”

“This’d come back on you more than me, you know that right?” You look out at your dorm, imagining how the girls inside would react if they ever found out.

“Of course.”

“This is how our old teacher got fired. I’m only a trainee, so it’s not like things won’t be bad, but I’d…” You take a deep breath, barely managing a mumble. “I’d just feel terrible if anything happened to you because of me.”

Kihyun exhales, and your eyes are back on your lap, fiddling with the zip on your coat. 

“You’re too caring for your own good, you know?”

You titter, and see hands reaching for yours.

“Y/N.”

“Hmm?”

“Look at me.”

You tilt your head up, and see him bobbing down slightly to try and make eye contact. When he gets it, he smiles at you.

“Tomorrow afternoon, I’m gonna come back here and take you out.”

You can’t help it - the smile spreads across your face. 

“Are you serious?”

“You’re not scheduled for any practices tomorrow, right? I’m not working Saturdays, so why not?”

“I’ll have to come up with something to tell the girls…”

“Tell you what, give me your phone.”

Skepticism covers your expression. He holds out his hand, and you pass your cellphone to him. He goes to type, but is faced with your lockscreen.

“How am I supposed to give you my number if I can’t even get in?”

A lightbulb goes off, and you eagerly unlock and hand back.

“Honestly, I didn’t know what you were doing, my brain just went completely blank.”

He keys in his details, and passes it back. His number is there, and an emoji set as the contact name.

“Why a hamster?” You giggle.

“My friends used to call me ‘Hamster Hyung’” He scratches his head, and his embarrassment is adorable. “I figured it’d be too messy if I was set as ‘Teacher Yoo’.” 

You nod knowingly, and send a quick message, allowing him to save your number.

“Also, as a point of reference - that window on the third floor is our living room. So don’t go standing outside the building waiting or anything; the girls are nosey and there’s a ten thousand percent chance you’ll get seen.”

“Where’s your room?”

“Round the back. Big window by the tree. Dahye didn’t want to sleep next to the window because of the bugs, so yours truly is the first face anyone sees when they’re walking through the alley behind our building.”

“Lucky them.”

As if they’d heard you, you notice the curtains being closed in your living room.

“I should probably head inside.”

“Yeah…”

You linger. Leaning across the console, you treat yourself before you go inside - it’s just a quick kiss, but you feel Kihyun smile beneath it.

“Text me?”

“Of course.”

One last peck, and you’re waving him off once again. It feels like deja vu, the walk up to your dorm as you beam to yourself. You announce you’re home, and see Suhyun and Yoojung poke their head out from their bedroom.

“The company really should pay for you to get a ride home, you know? It’s such a long walk to do by yourself this time of night.” Suhyun pouts.

“It’s all good; it helps build my appetite for dinner.”

“That’s lucky, because Yoojung made too many kimbap, so we’ve got rolls coming out our ears!”

Laughing, you go through to the kitchen, where Nayoung has her books spread out over the table.

“You eaten yet?” In the fridge, you see not one, but two plates of kimbap. Bringing one of the plates out, you set it down next to Nayoung, who immediately helps herself.

“Music theory is so difficult!”

“Preaching to the choir - I never got my head round that whole ‘circle of fifths’ nonsense.”

“Would you be able to help me tomorrow?”

Kimbap in your mouth, you hold up a finger, trying desperately to think of what alibi you can use. 

“I’m out tomorrow afternoon.” Trying to act nonchalant, you eat another roll. “Some friends from school wanted to go to the mall.”

“Ooooo, get you socialising!”

“Hardy har har.” It was true you weren’t the most extroverted individual - sure, you spoke to some of the girls in your class, and Bora would often invite you to come over after exams or hard school days, but you weren’t someone whom everyone knew. Maybe saying you were hanging out with ‘friends’ was too far a stretch. You reach for another kimbap. 

“They’re good right? I’ve already eaten like six, and I feel so bloated.”  _ Okay, so six makes you bloated,  _ you note as you chew through your fourth one. You put the plate back in the fridge, and grab a satsuma instead.

“You want me to help you now?” You sit down, segmenting the fruit and offering a piece of Nayoung. She nods, and you two spend the next forty five minutes going over augmented and diminished chords. At 12, you call it a night, and go to your room. Dahye  is sitting on her bed with a sheet mask, texting. After you wash your face and change into an old tshirt and shorts, she shuffles over, leaning a pillow against the wall to allow you a seat beside her.

“How’re things with the hot piece of ass?”

“Stop calling him that.”

“Hey, I just call it as I see it. If I’d known you guys were gonna get such a beautiful teacher, I would’ve considered singing instead of rapping.”

“You love Teacher Min!”

“Yeah, I do.” She peels off her mask, and starts rubbing in the oil. “But on a serious note, how’s your singing coming along?”

“Good - just have to see how it goes when we’re dancing too.”

“We got a good song, we’ve got a good group, we’ve got a good leader - we’re gonna crush it.”

“I’m not the leader.”

“Yes you are! You spot check our dancing, you make us warm up, you stop Suhyun getting distracted by Yoojung and Jimin.”

“Those three really do need to spend less time together…”

“As long as we practice hard, there’s no reason our cover won’t kick the other cover’s ass! Not that it’s a competition; we’re all on the same team after all, but you know what I mean.”

“Did you hear we get to have back up dancers too?”

“Amazing. I hope we get male dancers. Someone to grind on would make this so much better.”

“Do you have a filter?”

“I just can’t wait for Doyeon to turn 20 next month. You’re indoorsy and Yeonmi’s still writing to that guy in the army. How am I supposed to find hot guys that want to grab my ass when I’m cooped up in here the whole time?”

“On that note, I’m going to sleep.” You make your way over to your bed, pull the covers over you, and grab your phone.

“I’m a woman with needs, okay?”

“I know - I’ve walked in on you dealing with those ‘needs’ before, remember?”

“Oh yeah.” She cackles. “It’s a good thing you’re my roommate - if any of the youngsters had walked in I’d be so screwed.”

“I don’t think the company would be willing to cover the therapy.”

Another cackle, and someone bangs on the wall.

“GET A GRIP, NAYOUNG!”

There’s a mumble through the wall, and whatever is said encourages Dahye to turn off the lamp by her bed. You pull down the blind by your window, and shuffle around until you’re comfy.

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Night, Dahye.”

Only now do you check your phone, and see a new message.

 

**I’ll park by the convenience store down the street. Is 1pm okay with you?xx**

 

**Sounds fantastic. Any plans in mind?xo**

 

You scroll through Twitter until your phone vibrates with a response.

 

**It’s a surprise, you’re just gonna have to trust me babe ;) xx**

 

You feel giddy, hugging your pillow as you drift off.


	4. Chapter 4

“You look cute!”

You run a brush through your hair, Yeonmi beside you brushing her teeth. You were in a floral sundress, a denim jacket and your old beaten-up Converse. 

“Thank god - I haven’t put my contacts in yet, so for all I know I look like a hot mess.”

“I mean, it is supposed to be warm today, but also aren’t your glasses for reading?”

You stare at her, dumbfounded. The joke finally twigs in her brain, and she mumurs a ‘woops’ before spitting out her toothpaste. Taking the hairbrush from you, she unwraps her hair towel and brushes through her locks as she speaks to you.

“What are you guys getting up to again?”

“Going to the mall for a couple of hours.”

“Oh really? Could I ask you a massive favour?”

“Uh-huh?” Sweeping a lip tint on, you smack your lips together.

“Can you pick me up some stamps from the post office there? I’ve run out, and Donghyun sent a letter yesterday so I want to reply as soon as possible.”

“Sure, that shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Thanks.” She sits on the edge of the bathtub. “Why did he have to get stationed overseas, Y/N? Stupid military service - why couldn’t he try be an electrician or something instead?”

“He’d have to enlist eventually.”

“I know, but why now? Why did he want this to be his career?”

“Boys are morons, is all I have to say. But you two have been together like 4 years now?” You sit next to her.

“Nearly 5.”

“Nearly 5 years! He’s due his leave soon anyway, isn’t he?”

“I think he gets a month at home in October.”

“See, so you’ve just got, like, 5 months left. Power through, girl!”

“Thanks, Y/N.” Her head finds your shoulder, and she sighs. “Honestly, avoid men at all cost - it isn’t worth the hassle.”

You gulp.

“How’s your throat recently?”

“Pretty good. I’m hitting all my notes in practices.”

“You been keeping everything down?”

You nod, and she sits upright. 

“Good. I know it’s hard, but you and Suhyun need to stop egging each other one with that sort of thing - just go to the gym like the rest of us.”

“You know it’s harder than that.”

She lifts her head, and rubs your back.

“I just worry about you.”

“I’m fine! Look, I’m going out today - it’s all fun, everything’s fine!”

She sympathetically smiles.

“Yes you are. Speaking of, you need to get going soon - scoot!” She taps your butt as you stand, and stares in the mirror to finish brushing her hair.

Walking out of the building, you find yourself irritated by Yeonmi’s comments. It’d been over two weeks - you’d been taking care of yourself, keeping all your meals down, what does she know anyway? Suhyun never ‘egged you on’, she just understood you enough to sit with you when things needed purging and not ask too many questions. She had walked in on you about 2 months ago, after a particularly horrendous binge, and had said everything she was supposed to: ‘we care about you’, ‘you don’t need to do this’, ‘this isn’t healthy’. But she also lives in your world; she understands the pressures. Yeonmi acts like she puts the toothbrush in your hand, when in reality she always asks you not to, she always listens out for when you’re in the bathroom a little too long, it’s just when she’s too late that, rather than scold you, she sits with you, comforting you and holding your hair back until it’s over.

_ What does she know, honestly? We can’t all be 5 foot 5 and 108lbs. _

Your phone pulls you out of your bad mood.

 

**You’ve walked about 500 feet in the wrong direction xx**

You look around, and behind you, the black Honda parked up, it’s driver leaning against the hood of the car.

He’s in black skinny jeans, a white and blue t-shirt, and sunglasses. He’s on his phone, and you feel a message vibrate in your pocket when you reach him. You’re unsure how to get his attention when you’re close enough, as he’s seemingly unaware of your presence. Opting to reach out and jab him, your wrist is caught in his grip, and he looks over the top of his shades with a smirk.

“You’re not as sneaky as you think, you know?”

He loosens his grip on your wrist, and slides his hand down to link his fingers with yours. Your eyes enlarge, neck twisting to look around.

“Does this make you uncomfortable?”

“No, I just…”

“We don’t have to, don’t worry.” He releases you, but you chase after his hand and squeeze.

“No, no, it’s nice.”

“Would it be too far if I kissed you?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed to that…” Your mumbles make him smile, and pulls you in for a quick kiss.

“Shall we get going?”

“Sounds good! Oh wait, will we be going anywhere that sells postage stamps?”

“Erm, that’s not on the agenda, but we can do.” He holds the door open for you, and you slide in. “How come?”

“Yeonmi asked me to pick some up.” The door is shut, and he soon appears in the seat next to you. “She sends letters to her boyfriend every week.”

“Whoa, Yeonmi’s got a boyfriend?”

“Yeah, his name’s Donghyun. They lived next door to each other in Ilsan since they were like, 3 years old, started dating when they were 14, Yeonmi moved to Seoul to become a trainee when she was 17 and they stayed together, but last year he enlisted and they’ve been doing long distance ever since.”

“That’s sweet. What does the company think of that?”

“They’re pretending it’s not happening. They don’t believe in ‘no-dating’ contracts, but for the sake of privacy they ask that we keep any relationships at our own discretion.”

Kihyun nods, but stays silent. You worry you’ve said something wrong, but his expression isn’t that of concern, or anger, or sadness - it’s just like he’s thinking hard. Just as you’re about to enquire, he shakes his head slightly, pulling himself out of whatever thought he was lost in.

“Any bets where we’re going?” His voice is playful, and it sends a buzz of anticipation through you, expectations for the day very high. 

“Not a clue! Can I have a hint?”

“Let it be a surprise; you’re so cute when you’re excited.” He holds out his hand for you, and you drive along connected. The journey takes an hour and a half, and there’s barely a moment silent. Kihyun tells you about himself; what life was like growing up in Gyeonggi-do, how he moved to Seoul when he was 17 to be a trainee, but left his company when he was 22 to ‘focus on his studies’ - though you both knew it was due to the conditions his company used to keep - how YMP Entertainment had approached him after he sang a demo for his friend and a composer in your company, Shin Hoseok. While he didn’t spend much time with your male sunbaes - their vocal coach hadn’t been dismissed - he said he was impressed with the talents of all the female vocalists in your company.

“Your girls are some of the strongest vocals I’ve heard in trainees. I give it three years, maybe four, and you’ll be outselling your company seniors if they promote you well enough.”

In return, you told him about your life in Andong - from helping your mother in her restaurant when you were 7, to painting masks with your grandmother and younger siblings to sell at the festivals. You explained that you were rejected by several companies initially, before moving to Seoul to train with YMP when you turned 17. You had had to drop out of high school when you were 15 for a year when your mother had gotten sick, hence why you were applying to university when you were 20. Being in Seoul, you spent all your time studying or training, desperately clutching at any opportunity that you thought might aid your future. Three years later, you were told you had made it into the company’s final line up for their rookie girl group, and for the past 6 months had worked tirelessly to debut.

“Then this might be exactly what you need.”

“What? The longest car journey in the world?” You had the windows rolled down, and had stolen the sunglasses he was previously wearing to enjoy the warm spring air. You always loved when it was bright enough to wear sunglasses - the lenses always made the world feel a little warmer, and you felt as though the tint was a shield from the bright, harsh environment outside.

“A proper break. When was the last time you relaxed? And not just like, you took a bath before bed. I mean like whole day of relaxation.”

“I relax! If I wasn’t with you right now, I probably would’ve only woken up like, half an hour ago?”

“Sleeping isn’t relaxing.” He squeezes your hand, and it disconcerts you. But more than that, it makes you question - when was the last time you really did, truly relax?

“Okay, you’ll have to give me time to think about that...when was the last time you were completely relaxed?”

“Hmmmm.” He taps his fingers on the steering wheel as he thinks hard, breathing in sharply through his teeth. “Two weeks ago - I was visiting my best friend, and he was babysitting his little sister. We went to the park, and blew bubbles, and while she took a nap me and Minhyuk played Overwatch. That was a whole day of relaxing. You can’t think of a single day that you felt like you were completely relaxed?”

The CD shuffles, and a familiar song plays. The first song you heard in his car.

“OH! I know!” You suddenly jump up, and it startles him, hand drawn back and head turned to you for a split second. The car swerves, and while Kihyun is quick to correct it you squeal in the moment. “Sorry, sorry, sorry!” His laugh is anxious, and pats your thigh, his hand settling there when he’s calm. “Erm, I remembered a time when I was relaxed, for like, a full day.”

“Last summer, before Yoojung, Jimin and Suhyun had joined the company. Yeonmi had only been with us for a couple of months, but she had a car, so we were always trying to convince her to drive us places. Before her, a girl called Kathi would take us places, but she dropped out to be a lawyer last February.” Kihyun smiles at your tangent, and you wave your hands in front of your face. 

“Anyway, last June we had all kinda plateaued on our learning because we were basically exhausted all the time. Like, laying face down on the floor in practice rooms tired. This was before they gave us Saturday’s as ‘free time’. So we were given a day off to rest. The company expected us to just sleep all day, but me and Nayoung had other plans. We roped in Dahye, and nagged and nagged Yeonmi to come pick us up.” 

“Back then, me and Nayoung and Dahye all stayed in this gross rooftop apartment - one kitchen room, one bedroom, one bathroom, that was it - while Yeonmi was living with her aunt in Seoul. So she comes and picks us up at 8am and we drive all the way out to Sokcho Beach - three hours there, three hours back - and we sing the whole way there. That’s when I first listened to Troye Sivan properly, and we played SISTAR, and Kyary Pyamu Pyamu, and Girl’s Generation. We spent 5 hours at the beach and, it was just amazing. We ate shaved ice cones and slept on the beach and even went swimming. We got back to our apartment at 8pm, and our manager was stood outside. He was furious; then for the next three days our voices were ruined because of the sea air and all the singing. But that day -  _ that  _ was relaxation.”

The car falls silent as you finish recalling that day - you can almost smell the sea air - and you quickly feel self concious.  _ Oh god, I was rambling on. Why did you blabber so much, Y/N? He doesn’t care that much - now he’s gonna think you’re nothing but a vain big mouth that only talks about herse-  _ Kihyun squeezes your leg, and you look to him. His grin is wide, and his eyes bright.

“I’m so glad you said that, because you’re gonna love where we’re going today then.” He pulls off the motorway, and as you wind down the streets of Gangneung you realise that you really  _ do  _ smell the sea air. You wind down the window, and beam at Kihyun.

“It can’t be Sokcho; we haven’t driven for long enough?”

“No, but there is another beach nearby…”

He turns down a few more roads, and you finally reach Gyeongpo Beach. You let out a gleeful cry when the sands come into view, and Kihyun laughs at your excitement. He parks up, and you unbuckle your belt as you continue your shrill babbling.

“We’re going to the beach! I love the beach! Kihyun, you’re a genius - oh my god!” Leaning across the console, you take his face in both hands, and kiss him. Once, twice, three times. It makes him laugh again, and his nose scrunches up.

“Okay, okay, I didn’t think I’d say this to you, but get off me.” You plant one more on him, and finally lean back. “We’ve only got a couple hours, so if there’s anything you have in mind that you want to do out here - besides buying stamps?”

“Literally anything.” At that moment, a groan filled the car, and you widened your eyes.

“So, lunch first?” Kihyun steps out the car, and you're quick to follow him. Holding out his hand for you, you quickly move to him, and intertwine your fingers with his. “There’s a great fried chicken place just up the street.”

“We’re at the beach - don’t you wanna try something a little bit more appropriate?”

“You don’t understand how good this fried chicken is! Tell you what; rock, paper, scissors. If you win, we go for seafood. If I win, you're blown away by the best fried chicken in Gyeongpo.”

You nod, and he widens his stance, rolling up his sleeves and grinning at you. You shake your first once, twice, three times...throw.

-

“Aren’t you glad I won?” His voice dripping with arrogance as you stand beside him in the queue, scanning the menu above the counter. You narrow your eyes at him, and he throws his head back laughing. “Chicken is the greatest food.” Once you’re at the counter, Kihyun puts in his order, and you nod as you mentally shake at the amount of food he’s ordered for himself. Finally decided, you make your request.

“Children’s sesame, please.”

Kihyun waves his hand in protest, gesturing for the cashier to ignore that.

“No, no, no. You’ve gotta get something more than that. Maybe I haven't sold this correctly. This is the BEST fried chicken in Gyeongpo.”

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean, you can’t?” His face is amused, and it makes you feel worse. Pulling the sleeves of your jacket over your hands, you try to think of a good excuse, when his eyes soften and he nods to the cashier. Suddenly, you feel very small.

“Sorry.” Voice cracking slightly, your eyes fixate on your shoes. There was no sane explanation for it:  _ I need to do this. I need my dream to come true. There’s 101 voices in my head assuring me this is the right thing to do; this is what needs to be done. _

Rather than respond, you feel an arm around your shoulder, and lips press into your hair. 

Once your food arrives, you sit opposite each other at a booth by the window. You still feel guilt as you pick your food off it's bone, but the tension lasts mere seconds before Kihyun undos it all.

“Good, right? I came here with my friend from college, Jooheon, like three years ago and ever since we always came here since. Not lately, because Jooheon’s busy being an underground rap sensation. It’s nice to bring someone new here.”

You force a smile at him, still feeling a need to justify your actions.

“Listen, about the food…”

“Don't worry about it.” He leans back in his chair. “I know how these things work. As long as you are still taking care of yourself, it’s not an issue. I knew one girl that would pass out on a regular basis because she just didn't eat; I wouldn't want that for you.”

The smile turns more genuine, and he leans forward. Reaching towards you, he grabs a piece of chicken from your plate, and bites into it with a mocking look in his eyes. Your mouth drops open, and he takes this chance to pick up one of his own selection and drop it where the stolen food had just been.

“It’s spicy - it’s good for your health.”

“Aren’t I lucky to have you looking out for me? You know you can’t do stuff like this at the company?”

“I know. That’s part of the reason we haven't stayed in Seoul today - I wanna spend time with you without getting paranoid.”

“Things are only gonna get trickier as we keep going, though.”

“Yeah; when you debut and become a big star, you won’t even be safe places like this!”

“Hardy har har!” You stuff the gifted food in your mouth, and immediately regret the decision. Sticking your tongue out and panting has Kihyun throwing his head back as his cackles fill the restaurant. Mouth still burning when you leave, Kihyun takes your hand and walks with you down the seafront, stopping off to buy ice cream to appease your incessant moans. Cone in hand, you sit down on the soft sands, wriggling your toes and sighing deeply.

“Everything okay?” Beside you, Kihyun wipes away at the melting chocolate ice cream running down his hand. He’s sat right beside you, one arm leaning in the sand behind.

“Yeah, this was just a really good ‘first date’ idea.” You look out over the ocean, smiling at the children paddling further down, and breathe in the salty fragrance of the sea air. When you look to your right, Kihyun is staring at you, eyes warm and mouth corners tugging into a smile. The hand behind you moves to the small of your back, and you lean into him, his lips tasting of chocolate and spice and warmth. There’s no intention behind it; just pure, innocent affection.


	5. Chapter 5

~~~~

If Saturday was a day of relaxation, Sunday certainly made up for all your ‘wasted’ time. After summer last year, when YMP Entertainment realised they were getting no where - and in fact losing trainees - by scheduling intensive practices 7 days a week, they decided to assign Saturday as a day off. However, it was still expected that you would show up in the practice studios for at least two hours, and then spend as much of Sunday as you could catching up for lost time. It felt monotonous - the first Sunday of the month, you had your weigh in’s. Every weekday after school would be spent in practice rooms and with teachers until 8 or 9 at night. If you didn’t show up on a Saturday at all, you’d stay past 1am on Sunday. So after an amazing Saturday, that ended with you falling asleep on the drive home and a long, passionate make out session in the car before you returned home around 9pm, you were brought back to Earth with full force on Sunday.

“I don’t understand why they’re making us go over the basics again?” Nayoung pats her forehead with a cloth, mouth open as she pants. Beside her, Doyeon was laying down, arms stretched out and eyes gazing blankly at the ceiling. Suhyun had her head leant against you, and you could feel the sweat seeping from her face onto your back. Or maybe it was your sweat. You could hardly tell.

“Sometimes it feels like Teacher Jung goes on rampages, you know? Remember when he had us do the Sugar Free dance for two hours?” Doyeon laughs at the memory, while Nayoung just scoffs.

“That stupid chorus. If we ever see T-ARA sunbae at a music program I’m gonna give them a piece of my mind.”

“Yeah right. You’d probably pass out from excitement.”

“Well, after that. Then I’d show them who’s boss. My fingers started to spasm, you know?”

Teacher Jung clears his throat, and you heave yourself off the floor. 

“We’ve gotta go get groceries tonight - who’s coming with me?”

Yoojung walks over at the wrong moment, and you laugh, reaching your arm out to grab her shoulder before she has the chance to escape.

“Always nice to have a volunteer. You, me and Suhyun will have to leave here first, okay?”

“Why me?!” Suhyun’s outrage is almost comical. 

“Because Chanhyuk is in the military, and you owe me a lot of rice trips.”

Her shoulders slump, and she trudges to her position in the room. You put your arm around Yoojung, and she giggles.

“C’mon, maknae. Show me how to do that last verse again, will you?”

 

-

 

“6 red peppers.”

“Got em!”

“3 bags of satsumas.”

“Suhyun, they’re next to you.”

“2 boxes of 12 ramen.”

“Only 2?”

“Yeah, we didn’t eat that many last week.”

You read out the list, forearms leaning on the trolley as Yoojung and Suhyun run around grabbing the items on your list. You’d finished practicing at 11.30, so had had to head straight to the supermarket before it closed. Clothes damp and pungent from a long day of dance practice, with your only respite being the hour long group singing lesson - a surprisingly uneventful lesson, in comparison to your last one - you’re daydreaming in the dairy aisle about finally being able to take a long, hot shower when your trolley bumps into the back of Yoojung’s knees.

“Ow!”

“You can’t just stop walking, kid!”

“Look who it is, though!” Your eyes follow the direction she’s staring, and are met with an equally shocked expression.

“Hello, girls!”

The cause of Yoojung’s surprise moves towards you, basket in hand, and smiles at Yoojung, then Suhyun, before settling on you.

“Teacher Yoo!”

The youngsters start to bow, but you’re frozen to the spot, staring back at him.  _ What are the chances, honestly?  _ You expect him to correct them, but instead he just smiles politely, finally breaking eye contact.

“Did you only just finish dance practice?”

“Yeah; Teacher Jung gave up on us.” He laughs at Yoojung’s comment, eyes flickering towards yours for an instant before returning to face her. “How come you’re here so late, sir?”

“It’s quieter late at night - especially on Sundays. No angry parents or crazy students.”

“That’s what Y/N says! She refuses to queue for half an hour when ‘it only takes 20 minutes to get all we need!’”

“Thank you for that, Yoojung.” It’s like she's only just remembered you’re there, and her eyes widen when you speak. 

“Oh, erm, Suhyun! Let’s go look for some cereal! I wanna get something chocolatey, but I don’t know what’s good!” 

“Wait, what?” Suhyun doesn’t have a chance to protest before she’s been dragged off, leaving just you, Kihyun, and the gentle humming of the refrigerators around you. 

“Funny meeting you out here. Should I be worried you’re following me?” Kihyun steps towards you, and you narrow your eyes.

“No, we always come here.”

“Then I must just be lucky with my timings.”

He steps forward again and reaches behind you, grabbing something from the shelf beside you. He makes no attempt to move back afterwards, and you simper at the closeness.

“Are you in school tomorrow?”

“Til 4.30, then straight to practice.”

“You need a lift in the morning?”

“I can’t - Doyeon and Nayoung get the same bus as me, they’d question it.”

“Okay, what about your lunch break?”

“11.45 til 1.”

“You allowed out for it?”

His eyes glint, and you smile widely.

“I’ll text you the details, okay?”

“Awesome.”

Your smile falls, and you breathe deeply, gripping the trolley.

“Right, I need to go find the children.”

“I’ll leave you to it then. Don’t stay out too late.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good.” He smiles down at you, and steps back. You move past him, and he grabs your arm suddenly. “Oh, and by the way?” You look up at him and his hand drops. “I’d kiss you if I could.” He smirks, and walks away, his confidence almost tangible as he turns down a different aisle and vanishes from your eyeline. You half-laugh, half-scoff, before going to find Yoojung and Suhyun. They’re stood in the cereal aisle, sure enough, 4 boxes in hand.

“Good chat with Teacher Yoo?” Suhyun peers at you over the top of her chocolate squares.

“You guys do not eat THAT much cereal! We still have cornflakes back home!”

“Cornflakes are for over 18’s. We youths run on sugar, don’t you know?” They proceed to dump all the boxes in the trolley.

“You know we’re supposed to be buy like, 2 kilos of rice today?”

“So? We can carry all of this.”

“I should've asked Yeonmi to bring the car.”

“We’ll be fine! What’s life without a challenge here and there?”

Laughter erupts from you, uncontrollable and shocking.  _ Oh Suhyun, if you knew the challenges I was facing. _

 

-

 

You’re down the road from your school’s front gates when you see the black car pull up. The window winds down, and he peers at you over the top of his sunglasses.

“It should be illegal for someone to look that good in a school uniform.”

“Shut up.” You roll your eyes and open the door and sit in the passenger seat. Over the past two weeks, through messaging and your time face-to-face, you had begun to grow comfortable with Kihyun’s flirty nature; he loved to compliment you, to the point it came across a little sleazy. He always meant it though, no matter how cheesy or crude. It was something you found yourself loving about him.

“Hoseok sent me another track; listen to this.” Kihyun’s voice fills the car, with Producer Shin’s demo bouncing around the space. The song had a strong bassline, and would definitely suit your male sunbae’s ‘Beast-dol’ vibe. Kihyun tapped along with the rhythm, mouthing the words in the chorus.

“It’s gonna be a hit! I wouldn’t be surprised if it got an all-kill the day it’s released. Hoseok really knows what sells.”

“With your voice guiding them, I’m certain it’ll be a success.” He reaches for you, and kisses the back of your hand. 

“I was thinking we grab drive-through, then head up to Han river? A make-shift picnic, kinda event.”

“That sounds perfect. Do you mind if we don’t get chicken though? The girls were talking about ordering take out tonight and I think two rounds would kill me.”

“Or it’d be the best thing ever!” He laughs, and you scowl at him. “No, that's absolutely fine. What do you fancy?”

“My friend Bora was talking about this burrito place that’s just opened up...it’s right next to Starbucks and 7/11.”

“Oooo, Mexican food! Count me in!”

He asks about your day, which had been relatively uneventful, and after ordering your food you wind down the windows and admire the city blocks whizzing by. You reach the Han, and with your takeout bag in one hand, walk beside Kihyun to a bench by the water. You’re handed a napkin, then your food, then a drink. You clink you drink against his and take a sip.

“Is 2 dates in 3 days a bit much?” 

“Not at all! I can’t go worrying you’ve lost interest in me after Saturday now.”

“Why would I have lost interest?”

You shrug, biting into your meal.

“I don't think I’ll be losing interest any time soon. You’re a very interesting person, don’t you know?”

“Pft. I’ve done nothing with my life so far. You’re the interesting one. All your amazing friends, your trainee life, your university days. I’m envious.”

“You’ve got those too! I mean, not uni yet, but this time next year you will! And you’ll have debuted, so you’ll have one up on me.”

“Do you ever think of being a trainee again? Maybe joining a different company?”

“I don't think so. I mean, I'd love to, obviously, but I’m getting old now - I think my time has passed.”

“That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.”

“Trainee’s are getting younger and younger! There are 14 year olds debuting, and I’ve only got 6 more years before I’d need to enlist.”

“Which is long enough for you to become a superstar.” You point at him with your straw.

“I’m settled with what I’m doing, for now. I like being a teacher; I like being in control of my own life again. It’d be hard to go back to being a company puppet.”

“You wouldn’t have to, though. You find the right company, the world is your oyster!”

“If the right company asked, I’d consider it.” He take a long sip of his cola, pondering your words. “But for now, I’ll keep telling you off for straining your voice, okay? Now shush and eat your burrito.” He chuckles, and nudges you, causing some of your rice to fall out and hit the floor. Mouth agape, you turn to him and let out a shocked laugh. He holds his out as a peace offering, and you take a bite, maintaining eye contact to ensure he doesn't pull any funny business. You talk about your upcoming exams, and when you’ve finished you lean into his side, his arm wrapped around you, head leaning on top of yours. On the river, a rowboat floats by, and you can see across the water a group of cyclists pedaling along the bank. You sigh, and he squeezes you. 

“We’ll need to get going in a couple of minutes.”

“Okay.” You lean back slightly, and he tugs you back in, hand under your chin as he kisses you. You move against him, shifting your head for a better angle, one hand sitting on the bench, the other in your lap. As he kisses you, he reaches for your hand, sliding his fingers between yours. It makes you smile, and his lips move to kiss the corner of your mouth, before your cheek, before finally your forehead. His arm wraps around you, tucking you under his chin, and you can feel his heartbeat thumping against your cheek. You inhale, and take in his sweet scent. Kihyun loosens his grip, and you look up at him, smiling. 

“Your lesson is at 8 tonight, paired up with Yeonmi.” 

“Is that what you were seriously thinking about just then?”

“Not exactly. More along the lines of how hard it’s going to be staying professional this week, but there’s no solo lessons til next week at the earliest.”

“We start recording vocals for our group covers this week, I think.”

“Yeah, all Sunday you’ll be in the studio with me and Hoseok. Then you’re dancing next weekend - no Saturday off for you unfortunately - and solo covers are a couple of weeks after.”

“We haven’t even been told our group cover yet.”

“I think the company are trying to get the rights for you guys to do a Twice song. Then you’ll be spending a month recording and practicing for your debut. All your covers will get posted in the fortnight leading up to it, and boom! You’re officially a girl group!”

“It seems so soon.”

“It’s because you guys don’t need a lot of work; you all get on, so they don’t need to spend months sorting out your chemistry.”

He stands, and holds out a hand for you, which you happily accept.

“Do lots of groups not get along?”

“Oh my goodness, tonnes. It’s not that they don’t get along, but they see their group as ‘business partners’ rather than ‘friends’. Big Bang is apparently quite bad for it: G-Dragon and T.O.P get along, but the others not as much.”

“That’s so sad.”

“It’s a pretty sad industry to be in.” Unlocking his car, he opens the door for you.

“I hope the girls are happy.”

“They are. It’s so obvious when you guys are in practice. Are you happy?” You’re leant against the car and turn to smile at him for his answer.

“Right now? Blissfully.” You kiss him quickly, before sitting and having the door shut behind you. 

He drives you back to school, parking a little way up from the main gates.

“I’ll see you tonight then?”

“That you will, Teacher Yoo.”

He visible shivers.

“Not outside of the company, please.”

“You had no trouble Yoojung and Suhyun calling you it.”

“You want me to start treating them how I treat you?” He laughs, and you roll you eyes, before leaning in for a kiss goodbye. You watch him drive off, and walk back to your classroom moments before the bell marks the end of lunch.

“Where have you been?” Bora is like lightening on your case.

“I went out for lunch.”

“Ooooo, is this with the same fella that bought you a red bean bun?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not lying!”

“I won’t turn around until you admit it.”

You scoff and look away, but sure enough she is still resting on her elbow on your desk, chin in hand.

“If you tell Nayoung or Doyeon, you’re dead to me.”

Bora gasps, tucking her bob-cut hair behind her ear and leaning in.

“Wouldn’t dream of it - I don’t talk to them anyway. Oooo, I love a good secret; what’s his name, where did you meet?”

“Eyes to the front, ladies!” The teacher calls out to you, and she turns back in her seat to face the board.

 

As you’re putting on your glasses, your phone vibrates in your pocket, and you watch as Bora slides hers back into her pocket, making you certain the sender of the message. The teacher folds her arms before you all, and scans the rooms, eyes peering at each face staring back at her.

“Your entrance exams are fast approaching. Along with that, we are beginning our end-of-year examinations. I expect you all to buckle down, if you want to get anywhere in life. Now is not the time for distractions - if you screw this up, you’ll have to either re-sit the year, or accept that education is not for you.”

You furrow your eyebrows, the severity of her words homing in on you, and she turns to the board.

“Let’s start with some exam prep, shall we?”

 

-

After giving Bora white lies - you met him at the company, but your company doesn’t allow dating, so no one can know - you get on the bus with Nayoung and Doyeon, and half way along the journey to the company, Yoojung, Suhyun and Jimin get on. Suhyun sits beside you, and you put down your textbook out of politeness. 

“I’m so tired; I can’t wait for this to all be over with.”

“What, practice, or just today? Because if you’re stick of rehearsing, I hate to tell you but you’re in the wrong profession.”

“It just feels like they’re not telling us anything at the moment. ‘Do your covers’ but they don’t let us know when we’re gonna actually record anything. ‘Learn your dance routine’ but have we got any performance dates lined up? Nope.”

“We’re recording on Sunday.”

“Wait, how do you know that?”

Nayoung chirps up, having overheard, with Doyeon following suit. You remember how you had actually learnt this information - sitting on a bench, by the Han River this morning - and quickly fabricate a plausible line.

“I heard one of the teachers talking about it. Our team songs are gonna be recorded on Sunday, then next week we’ll finalise our dances so I reckon they’ll get us to film our full covers the Sunday after. Everyone, shower next Saturday morning, okay?”

“Dammit, why did singing have to be this Sunday?” Doyeon sighs, and bounces her head on one of the hand rails.

“What’s wrong with this Sunday?”

Doyeon looks at Suhyun with a scornful expression.

“Duh, it’s my birthday. Dahye wanted to take me out for my first club. Yeonmi and Y/N are coming and everything!”

“Wait, you’re going, Y/N?”

You shrug, and Doyeon sighs again.

“You promised.”

“Promising to go to a club...that doesn’t sound like something I’d do.”

“Well, you did. Dahye and I are gonna go shopping tomorrow evening for something to wear, if you wanna come?”

God, what a nightmare. You couldn’t think of anything worse than a club, especially since you know Dahye will be doing everything in her power to get Doyeon as drunk as possible as quickly as possible. For almost 2 months now, Dahye had gone on about how excited she was to finally have someone ‘that isn’t boring’ be old enough to go out with her. It wasn’t that you hated clubs - you hated having to babysit drunk Dahye, who would eventually ditch you to go home with any guy that smiled at her, or worse, drunk Yeonmi, who spent every night crying. How this night was expected to be any different, you couldn’t imagine. But it was Doyeon’s birthday…

“I’ll see if my grandmother could lend me some money.”

“Yay! Y/N’s coming out!”

“Ugh, no fair.” Nayoung slumps in her seat, and Doyeon throws her arms around her shoulders.

“Not long, Stone-sshi. Your birthday’s only a month after; we’ll go out again when it’s your turn!”

“We can’t ruin our voices, though, okay?”

“Yes, mum. God, you sound like Manager Park.”

“I’m not having him show up at our apartment pissed again.”

“If he doesn’t warn us, I’m not being held responsible.”

The girls continue their talks of birthday plans, while you open your textbook back open and try to read as much of the chapter as you can before you get to the company. University exams are more important than a night out. Debuting is more important than a night out. This is stupid, I don’t see why I have to do this. Where are anyone’s priorities? But you remind yourself - these girls are your friends. You’re not about to become ‘business partners’, or ‘acquaintances’, or anything along those lines. If this makes Doyeon happy, it’s worth it.


	6. Chapter 6

“C-R-A-Z-Y.” Yeonmi, Doyeon and Yoojung are dancing to 4Minute in the living room, while Dahye is sat in front of Suhyun, who is applying her eyeshadow. You shift in the outfit Jimin chose for you - black skinny jeans and a cropped black vest top, made of some floaty sheer material - and sip from the cup you were given by Dahye. It’s way too strong for your liking, and you’re already becoming aware of the fact you’re going to have to look after Doyeon. Pre-drinks have hit her hard.

Nayoung sits in her PJ shorts and an old t-shirt beside you curling your hair. She laughs as Doyeon wobbles into Yoojung who is, thankfully, sober enough to support the sudden weight leaning on her.

“Hey Doyeon. How’re you feeling?” She looks to you, and you both know the answer.

“My arms feel a lot looser than normal, but otherwise I’m ready to go out!”

“Before that, you know what would be great?” You stand up, handing your cup to Nayoung a moment, who sniffs the glass before turning her nose up and setting it down. “Let’s eat some toast. I’ll make you another drink, okay?”

“Sounds great!” Next to her, Yeonmi opens Snapchat and nudges her to get her attention. As they scroll through the filters, you pour a large glass of water and put two pieces of bread in the toaster.

“There we go; you’re done!” Suhyun pats Dahye’s shoulder, who examines herself in the mirror once before smiling and hugging her.

“You’re very good, Suhyun! The company should have you doing all our make-up, Nayoung will do our hair, and Chickee can coordinate our outfits.”

“‘Chickee’ is fine staying out of all this nonsense.” A voice calls from a bedroom, and you envy her for being able to avoid all of this. The toast pops, and after spreading butter across it you cut the slices into quarters and present the plate to Doyeon. Before she can grab one, however, Yeonmi and Yoojung each help themselves.

“Are you two too drunk to leave the flat? No. So back off!” Doyeon graciously accepts the food, and then swigs the water.  “Let’s get dancing again, and I’ll call a taxi to come take us out.”

“This is gonna be fun.” Dahye has a wicked look in her eye, and as you look between her and the dancing duo before you, you pray for the night to end as smoothly as possible. Phone in hand, you wait for the call informing you your taxi has arrived, when it vibrates once.

 

**Have fun tonight. If you need anything, ring me xx**

 

**Thanks! Doyeon’s already wasted, so this will probably be a short one hahaha xo**

 

Your phone rings, and you accept your fate. 

“GIRLS! Car’s here!”

-

Loud.

That's the only word you can think of to describe the club Dahye has brought you to. You stand alone, watching the others in this new environment. In front of you, Yeonmi and Doyeon are dancing together, Doyeon having sobered up slightly while in the car ride over. With her hair partly covering her face, you watch her put her arms over Yeonmi’s shoulders and sway her hips in time with the music. Yeonmi giggles, and follows suit. A guy comes up behind Yeonmi, who point-blank ignores him and continues what she’s doing. To your right, Dahye has hands on her arse and a tongue in her mouth, and you’re stood close enough you hear them mumbling to each other, but far enough away you’re not being traumatised by whatever drunken nothings they find appropriate. You sip from the glass you're grasping - a Vodka Coke Dahye had brought for you when you first arrived - and sigh deeply. Doyeon catches your eye, and reaches out for you. You shake your head, but ‘no’ is not an option tonight - you're tugged in, and while Yeonmi holds your hand and encourages you to dance, Doyeon grabs your drink and takes a sip.

“Whoa!” She pouts at you, and you roll your eyes. Suddenly, her eyes widen.

“We should do shots!”

“Yes!” Yeonmi jumps up and down. “Let’s go - I’ll get Dahye!”

“Leave Dahye where she is, she’s having enough fun anyway.” You laugh, down your drink, and manoeuvre through the crowd to the bar, which is swarmed.

“We’ll never get through.” Another pout, and Yeonmi points at her.

“I’m about to show you something that, if Donghyun could see, would get me in a lot of trouble, okay?” She unbuttons 2 buttons on her shirt dress, fluffs her hair, and puts her hand on the shoulder of the man in front of her.

“Hi, I just need to get through to find my friend, can we slip by here?”

The guy looks her up and down, and she bats her eyelids at him. After a moment's thought, he leans in to whisper something to her, and his words make her mouth drop open. She smacks him round the face, and storms back to you.

“Boys are disgusting.” As Yeonmi buttons her shirt, Doyeon snickers. She’s shot a dirty look, and you both erupt with laughter.

“Wow, you really thought you were some hotshot there!”

“Has that ever worked?”

“Back in Ilsan! Every time!”

“We’re not in Ilsan anymore, Toto.” A comforting hand on her shoulder, you attempt to contain yourself. When you’re finally at the bar, Doyeon orders 6 tequila shots. You choose to only have the one, and she graciously accepts the other. You nod back to the dance floor, but Yeonmi isn’t done yet.

“Vodka! We need vodka!”

“YES!” Doyeon’s eyes twinkle in the club lights.

“No!” But you’re too late, 3 shot glasses are placed in front of you. 

“It’s my birthday, Y/N! Pleaaaaase?”

You pick up the drink, clink it against hers, and throw your head back. Finally, Yeonmi hands you a glass of Coke and god-knows-what. She hands over her bank card, and you’re moving back into the crowd. You sniff what you’ve been given, and Jack Daniel’s’ sweet aroma hits you. Drinking what must be a double, you feel your neck loosen, and as the song changes to something you’ve never heard, you twist and turn with the other girls. 

By the time you’ve finished your drink, Dahye has returned to your side, though she informs you it won't be for long.

“This guy lives like, a block away from the studio, so I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“This is a bad idea.” Even drunk, you know this isn’t a good move. But Doyeon and Yeonmi are too busy cheering and whooping for your concern to be taken seriously. 

“I’ve got my phone. I’ve got protection. I’m onto a winner! Bring me a change of clothes, will you?” She winks once, kisses you on the cheek, and disappears, holding the hand of the guy she had previously been attached-by-the-mouth to.

“She’s a big girl, she’ll be fine.” Yeonmi yells in your ear. “She used to do this all the time.” You nod once, and turn back to the dancing duo before you. Maybe it's the booze, or maybe you really do trust her, but any thoughts of Dahye quickly melt away and you’re back dancing in no time.

-

“This has been the best night.” Doyeon sits on the toilet, head leaning against the stall wall. Yeonmi and you both stand over her. “What a good birthday. Did you guys have fun?”

“So much fun, Do-dy. Did you?”

“Lots and lots! I hope Dahye is having fun.”

“She’s probably having hot, sticky, regretful fun as we speak.”

“Do you miss your boyfriend, Yeonmi?”

“Every day, kid.”

“I don’t know how you do it. Do you miss Teacher Yoo, Y/N?”

Yeonmi snorts, and you roll your eyes.

“That is the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.”

“Tell me about Donghyun.”

Yeonmi starts her usual drunken ramblings, and you’re aware of the fact this can only spell trouble. There are very few occasions where a drunken Yeonmi doesn’t start crying over Donghyun; since she’s started talking now, the best you can do for her is get her home sooner rather than later. The time is 2.42am, which is more than acceptable a time to leave. As Yeonmi recalls how ‘even though I’d moved to Seoul, we still wanted to make it work’, you dial for a taxi.

“It’s an hour and a half wait.”

“WHAT? But we only live like, 10 minutes away.”

“An hour and a half. You want me to put your name down?”

“But then...he enlisted...I don’t know why he did it so early!” Yeonmi’s voice quivers, and you refuse to accept this as the end of the night.

“It’s okay, we’ll sort something out.”

Doyeon is patting Yeonmi’s head, who has officially started weeping. 

“Girls! I have a good idea! Let’s go get some pizza!”

“Pizza! Pizza is such a good idea! I love pizza!” Never before have you been so grateful for someone as you are for drunk Doyeon right now. If she had been the type to cry or start fights when she drank, this entire evening could’ve taken a very sharp nose dive.

“C’mon, Yeonmi. While we’re walking, you can tell Doyeon about when Donghyun took you to Jeju for your birthday.”

“Oh my god, it was so lovely. He’s so lovely, you won’t believe it Doyeon…” A brighter story is recalled, and you blink one eye, then the other. Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth, and it feels like you need to find someone to talk to about this. Flicking through your contacts, you’re overwhelmed with a desire to call someone, though even drunk-you knows you should drop back behind the girls before you dial.

“Hello? Y/N?”

“Hello!”

“Is everything okay?”

His voice sounds worried, and your heart flutters at his caring.

“So good. I’m just so tired, but we are getting pizza and then going home!”

“Are you drunk?”

“God no. Doyeon and Yeonmi are drunk, and Dahye found a guy to go home with, so I’ve had to remain sensible this whole time.”

“You’re always sensible, Y/N.”

“Were you asleep?”

“No, I was just working on something for Hoseok.”

“I wish I could see you right now. Yeonmi started talking about how much she misses Donghyun and I just started thinking how it must suck being so far away. But I’m so lucky, because you’re so close, but even then you’re...So. Far. Away.”

“I know, I don’t like it either.”

The girls ahead walk into the pizza shop, and you have a moment of what can only be described as intoxicated brilliance.

“Dahye isn’t home! She’s out with the dude from the club!”

“And?”

“Teacher Yoo.” You giggle at the title, but straighten yourself and attempt to sound serious. “Kihyun. How good are you at climbing trees?”

-

“That was the best pizza.”

“Shhhhhh!”

“Woops! Sorry!” Doyeon half whispers, half shouts.

“Take this.” You hand her the box of half eaten pizza. “Neither of you wake up Nayoung, okay?”

Doyeon salutes, while Yeonmi just trails behind her, eyes blotchy but a smile on her face. They shut the door behind them, and you kick off your shoes as you dart through to your room. You put your weight behind lifting your window up, and the cool night air blows in. You send an ‘all clear’ text, before heading into the bathroom to quickly neaten yourself up. You wipe away the smudged mascara from under your eyes, take off all the lip tint, and run a brush through your hair. When you return to your bedroom you lock your door, and turn to be greeted by a silhouette standing in your room.

“You did it!” You whisper, and he scratches the back of his head.

“I can’t believe I’m sneaking into dorms. It feels like college.”

You don’t waste time - your mouth is on his, and you’re already moving him backwards, knees buckling as he hits the bed. Kihyun sits, and you can’t pull yourself away from him, instead opting to straddle him. Your hands move behind his head as you nip playfully at his tongue, and he chuckles into your mouth. His hands stroke down your back and settle on your waist. You drag your mouth off of his, working down his jaw, his neck, before hitting a sweet spot between his neck and collarbone that earns a soft moan. His hands dig into your sides, pulling you closer. 

“Y/N.” His breath is hot on your neck, and you suck hard enough to leave a mark. “Wait a sec.” His hands loosen slightly, but you’re not giving in that easily. You roll your hips, and his breathing hitches as you press yourself just right against him. Smirking, you think you’ve won, but then he suddenly pushes you back to look into your eyes.

“How drunk are you?”

“I’m not drunk.”

“What’s the capital of Thailand?”

“Ermm…’T’?” He raises his eyebrows at you, and you laugh. “C’mon, that was a joke.”

“We’re not doing this.” He pushes you off completely and stands up.

“Wait, what? Are you serious?”

“How many guys have you slept with, Y/N?”

The question takes you by surprise, to the point that you step back, mouth opening and closing.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business, to be honest with you.” You can’t look him in the eye, crossing your arms and looking to your side for anything else to focus on.

“I’m not trying to offend you or upset you. I just wanna know if you’ve been with anyone before.”

“Is it a problem if I haven’t?”

“Right now, yes it is.”

Your eyes snap to him, and you’re not sure you heard him correctly. Anger bubbles inside you.

“Are you kidding me? What, you won’t fuck a virgin?”

“I won’t fuck with a DRUNK virgin.”

He reaches his hand out to you, and though you’re still mad, the soft gaze and gentle caress of your cheek dilutes your rage.

“The first girl I slept with, I was drunk and it was at a party and it sucked. I’m not doing that to you; I’m not ruining something like that for you.” You look up at him, and the pity in his eyes makes you feel sick. Though that may be the tequila. 

“You realise I’ll still be like this in the morning?” 

He shrugs, and smiles a little.

“You’ll be sober enough to make your own decisions. That’s all that matters to me.”

You bite your lip, and move past to sit on the bed. You put your head in your hands, and groan. The bed moves as he sits beside you, his weight causing the springs to squeak slightly.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just embarrassing, is all.”

“Don’t be stupid.” His arm is around your shoulder, and he kisses the top of your head. 

“How do you know I’m actually not bothered about that sort of thing at all?”

“People just don’t wait this long if they didn’t think it was a little bit important.”

“Does this mean you’re gonna leave?” You look up at him.

“You think I only came over here to sleep with you?”

“I mean, it’s 3am, and you climbed up a TREE to get here. If that doesn’t scream ‘booty call’, what does?”

He rolls his eyes and laughs.

“How about, I wanted to see you? Someone as beautiful as you rings me at 3am, you bet your sweet ass I’m gonna come over. Hell, I’d help you with your laundry at this time if you wanted me to.”

“Shut up.” As the embarrassment from the situation subsides, you lean against him and you feel his hold on you move from your shoulders to your hips. “So, what do you wanna do?”

“Well, I assume you aren’t gonna sleep in that. So how about you change into something less drop-dead gorgeous, and we just hang out a little? Also, brush your teeth - I could taste the whiskey the second you kissed me.”

A hand flies to your mouth, and your cheeks warm. You stand, grab your PJ’s from under your pillow, and go back to the bathroom to change. After you’re make-up free, and your breath is significantly more minty than before, you hesitantly return to your bedroom. Kihyun is kneeling on your bed, above the headboard of which is a noticeboard covered in photos and posters.

“You were a cute kid.” Joining him, you look at a snapshot of you, your two younger brothers, and your sister as a baby. You’re all in hanboks, and you’re missing your two front teeth. Each of you is holding a painted mask towards the camera.

“Thanks. My grandma always got us dressed up for festivals; she works for one of the bigger shrines in Andong so it was important her whole family looked just as dedicated.”

“Are you religious?”

“Not at all!” You smile widely, remembering your grandmother’s pleas for you not to move to Seoul: ‘stay, work for the shrine, make your family proud!’ “My sister got very into it, though. The Mask Festival is probably her favourite day of the year.”

“Is that where this is from?” In his hand, a small figure, dressed in yellow and blue, with a white face and red cheeks.

“Yeah; to bring me good luck here in Seoul.” 

He sets it down on your window sill, and stands beside you.

“You look beautiful.”

“Shut up.” Looking down, your t-shirt has is faded and your PJ shorts are fraying around the edges. As the year gets hotter, you spend most of your free time around the dorm in this ensemble, meaning it gets it’s fair share of wear-and-tear.

“I’m serious. You’re so beautiful. I wish I could see you like this every day.”

Hands tug on his t-shirt, and you pull him close enough to kiss him. Slowly, you shuffle backwards, and again you’re seated in his lap on the bed. This time, though, you don’t rush: you don’t need to. You push him back into the pillows.

His hands are on the small of your back, pulling you closer. You run your fingers through his hair, and you feel him shiver slightly. When you’re out of breath, you pull back, and delicately trace your fingers over his features - across his brow bone, down the side of his face, his swollen lips. You smile, and look into his eyes.

“I’m so lucky.”

“I’m the lucky one.”

The room is hushed as you lay beside him. The remnants of the shots from earlier in the night allow for your truest thoughts to fall out.

“We can’t let them separate us, okay?”

He looks a little taken aback, almost sad. This lasts only a second though.

“Never.” His voice is deep, and you don’t doubt him for a second. 

You don’t know when you fall asleep, but you wake up to a kiss on the back of your neck, and your name being whispered in your ear. Strong arms are around your waist, and your legs are intertwined under the blanket.

“Y/N. Babe.”

“Hmm?” You run your hands to link your fingers with the ones on your side, and blink hard to shift the exhaustion.

“I need to go, before anyone wakes up.”

“So soon?”

“It’s nearly 5.30. If I don’t go now, I’ll be caught, for sure.”

You roll over, and he moves a strand of hair out of your eyes. You catch the hand, and press it against your cheek.

“Are you gonna be okay getting back down that tree? If we’re quiet enough, you could probably use the front door.”

“Better to be safe than sorry.”

You kiss his palm, and sit upright. Heaving the wooden frame up, Kihyun sticks his feet out, and turns to face you one last time.

“Thanks for inviting me over.”

“You sound like someone that doesn’t plan on calling the next day.”

“I didn’t even get laid, though!”

You cough out a laugh, and shake your head at him. You kiss him goodbye, before he stretches over and pulls himself into the branches. You watch him climb down, and he turns to wave to you once before walking to wherever he had parked his car. You feel giddy, and leave the window open just a crack before lying back down. Your pillow smells faintly of him. You hug it to your chest, and let the soft fragrance lull you back to sleep, though you wonder how any dream you had could top your evening off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the kudos and comments guys! i always love your feedback - both positive and constructive! i hope you're enjoying this so far, and are looking for the slightly more angsty chapters to follow!
> 
> come yell at me on twitter - @ft_kihyun


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning on this one guys  
> thank you for all the kudos! i appreciate any comments you have - positive or constructive!  
> come yell at me on twitter: ft_kihyun

You meet him Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday lunch time too. But on Thursday afternoon, your teacher drops a bombshell on you.

“Practice test. You’ll do it now, and we won’t have any more classes this afternoon. I’ll have the results with you tomorrow morning. It’s important for you to see how far off target you all are. And trust me: you’re  _ all  _ off-target.”

After the test, in which you successfully wrote an answer for each point, you consult with Bora outside the school gates. 

“That was an abomination. I’m so screwed.” 

“You will have done better than you think.”

“Are they allowed to just spring things on us like that?”

“Apparently so.”

“We need to unwind. Let’s go get a treat!” She turns to face you, pacing backwards. 

“Oh, I don’t know about that.” You grab her arm to steer her out of the path of a couple walking the other direction.

“We must, Y/N! We were let out early; I know you don’t need to go practice for another hour! There’s an awesome cake shop like, ten minutes from the bus stop.”

“Cake shop?”

“What else could possibly cure our misery and suffering?” She laughs, before turning around and skipping, her skirt bouncing with her. “Chocolate, carrot, caramel, red velvet. I might need to eat one of each.”

The outside of the shop is pretty; a pale blue sign hangs above the door, with white wooden tables and chairs inside. Stepping inside, you’re met with a counter of confectionaries. Cupcakes, brownies, cakes that you can buy by the slice or as a whole cake. The last cake you’d eaten had been Yoojung’s birthday cupcake - vanilla, with butter icing. Other than that, you’d eaten a red bean bun, and no other sugar in almost a month. You’d been so good - one slice surely won’t kill you, right?

“We should get a couple of different slices, and split them.” Bora stands upright, having been peering in at all her options. “The cake is so good here, once you start you won’t want to stop.”

_ That’s what I’m afraid of… _

 

“So how are things going with your mystery company boyfriend?” Her fork digs into the coffee cake, while you’re tucking into a lemon cake. She’d also bought chocolate and carrot. When buying you’d insisted one each would suffice, but Bora had taken this to mean you couldn’t afford it, so handed over her father’s credit card and winked at you - “he moved away, the least he can do is let me treat my friends”.

“Good, I think. It’s hard keeping things a secret though. I tell the girls almost everything, so for something this big it feels weird.”

“I can’t imagine living with that many girls. I have three sisters, and they annoy me enough.”

“I guess it’s different with us - we need to be together, otherwise we can’t achieve our goals. That understanding means we let a lot more slide, I think.”

“A very mature outlook. How old is the youngest again?”

“Yoojung; she just turned 16 last month.”

“Man. To move away from your family at that age. I couldn’t. Hell, my dad transferred to Hong Kong when I was 18 and I thought my life was over!”

“Hey, Dahye started training when she was 13! She’s been doing this for 6 years now.”

“Now THAT is commitment.” She slides the other half of the coffee cake to you, before cutting a piece of the chocolate off. “Speed up eating; you’ll have to get going in half an hour!”

You weakly smile, and though the cake tastes amazing, you’re dreading how hard you’ll have to push yourself in dance practice to feel alright again.

“So, back to the boyfriend…”

“He’s not really my boyfriend. We just meet for lunches, see each other round the company sometimes, stuff like that.”

“Have you been on any big dates?” You chew on the citrus sponge, before moving on to the piece you were handed.

“We went to the beach for our first date.”

“That is so cute!” Bora points her fork at you. “If he has any single friends, I need you to hook me up immediately. Although, I bet idol boys will all be skinnier than me, so maybe not.”

“He’s just so nice.” You can’t help but gush over Kihyun at this point - you’ve been holding this in for so many weeks now, having someone to talk to is an amazing feeling. “He’s not like any of the other people in the company - there’s no worries about things ‘embarrassing the label, or if certain things will have a negative effect on my image or my singing. He’s always looking out for me, you know? Making sure I’m eating, giving me rides home if I have to stay late.” You worry you’re sounding like you’re bragging, so stuff a large piece of chocolate sponge in your mouth to shut yourself up. Bora, however, only smiles at you.

“This is what I need. A man, not like all these petty boys we’re surrounded by. If I see one more person hand around a note with ‘Best Ass Nominations’, I’m gonna puke.”

“Just because that transfer student has started beating you in the votes!” Bora’s mouth drops open, and you grimace at the chewed up cake inside. She quickly shuts it, and raises her head, looking down her nose as she tries to act unaffected by your comment and eat her last mouthful of cake.

“No! I think it’s gross - women aren’t there to be grabbed and stared at, Y/N.”

You press your lips together, nodding along with her. She knew you saw through it - Bora was one of the most popular girls in high school because of her curvy figure and her wide smile. She was shorter than you, and if she’d been in the company you know she’d probably be put on a juice diet until she was under 80lbs, but her personality shone through in everything she did. 

“There’s always Euntaek.”

Bora rolls her eyes. Euntaek and Bora had been in an on-again-off-again relationship for 2 years now, with the current status being ‘off’. He adored her, and even when they weren’t dating they’d spend most of their time together. But she was always so afraid when things got serious, in case they went too far and she’d lose him. You’re pretty sure he knew this, even if she never said it, hence why he kept with her even after they had ‘ended it’.

“He’s applying to the same university as me, you know? We’re gonna be business majors together.”

“Maybe you should apply for a couples dorm!”

“Don’t be ridiculous. By the time we get to university, he’ll find someone better. And just like I predicted, I’ll be left all alone.”

“Or, you could stop pissing him about, date like a normal couple, and when you both graduate in three years get married, run a successful business, then have one short kid like you and one tall kid like him?”

She puffs out her cheeks, and scraps the plate for the last of the frosting.

“Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”

“I’d better be invited to your wedding.”

“Duh; I’m gonna wanna show off to all my friends that I know a celebrity!” She looks at her watch, and widens her eyes. “Speaking of, we need to get going. Hurry up with that coffee cake, and we’ll head out.”

Sitting on the bus, you feel bloated. You lean back in your seat, with Doyeon and Nayoung either side of you as they discuss their upcoming exams. It was weird, since you were in the same year so should in theory be on the same level as them, but because you were in different classes with different schedules, you have no idea what they were talking about half the time. They hadn’t had any practice exams, so a quiet voice in your head tells you it’s your job to warn them.

“You guys need to study hard this weekend - we had a practice exam today.”

“What?!” All three of you jump off the bus, having gotten on a different route than the younger ones today. Not only is the cake weighing you down, but also the lunch you had eaten with Kihyun today - hamburgers with fries. You had opted for a child’s meal again, but even so, the salt had made you bloat, and now the heavy, rich cakes felt as though they were clogging your arteries with each step.

“Yeah; the literature questions were pretty easy, but you have to write a 4 page essay at the end. So read your books again. Twice, maybe.”

“Ughhhh.” Nayoung hangs her head as you trudge up the hill, before walking into the cool, air conditioned reception of YMP Entertainment. You can hear Jimin’s laugh echoing through the corridor, so you know they must’ve only just beaten you here. 

“Chickee! Wait for us!” Doyeon shouts, only to be scolded by the receptionist. Nonetheless, the three of them are hovering outside the door for you. Suhyun opens the door, and in your usual dance space you see rails of clothing, and additional staff you had never seen before. Dahye is currently being measured, while Yeonmi is tugging up a pair of high-waisted shorts.

“Girls!” Manager Park turns when you enter, and ushers you in. “Since you’ll be filming your videos next week, we need to get you fitted for outfits. For your full-group one, we’ll do more casual clothing, but since your team covers are going to be your first appearance to the world as a group, we want you to LOOK like a group.” Dahye steps away from the staff member measuring her bust, and is handed an item of clothing from the rack. “You’ll get measured for your debut outfits, then try on the pieces we give you. We’ve got a mixture - everything black, but you’ll be in black shorts or trousers with different variations of the same style tops. It’s all very tight; we want to show off all the hard work from your weigh-ins the past few months.” He says it like it’s a compliment, but your stomach churns at the thought. “Line up; we’ll go youngest first.”

Your palms are sweating, and your breathing increases as you get closer to the front of the line. One by one, each girl is measured, before being handed a pair of shorts and a top - some cropped, some with sleeves, some just tank-tops made of a pleather style material. There are chains and straps all over the place.

“Manager Park, are these suitable for the younger girls? It’s a bit too...sexy for minors, isn’t it?”

“That’s what sells these days, Y/N.” He doesn’t look up from his cellphone. “You’re not here to give opinions, just to wear what you’re given.” Doyeon is handed her trousers, and since Dahye has already gone, you’re next. Holding up your arms, a tape measure goes around your bust, and your measurements are read out to a woman with a clipboard. Next, your stomach, and you hear the woman with the tape measure tut.

“Someone’s been gorging herself.”

You bite your lip hard, and breathe in as much as you can.

“No point hiding it love, unless you’re gonna be this size in a month’s time.”

You nod, but still your stomach is tensed. As the tape moves down to your hips, you feel your eyes sting.  _ Stupid, stupid Y/N. Had to go and act like a fat pig. Stupid bitch. This is what you get.  _ It feels as though every eye in the room is on you, and whispers around you are commenting on how ridiculous you look. How much you’ve let yourself go. 

“Give her trousers.”

“We haven’t got any in her size. We only had 2 pairs, and Nayoung and Doyeon are in those.”

“It’ll have to be shorts then. But nothing cropped. Too much...you know...right now.” 

_ Too much fat. It’s all over you. Falling out your clothes, you stupid fat bitch. _

You’re given the clothes, and start walking to the exit.

“Where are you going, Y/N?” Manager Park’s voice catches you before you can escape.

“Erm, to go change, Sir.”

“Everyone else changed here. You can do the same.” He’s handed the clipboard, and begins reading over what has been written. You walk over to the rail, and avoid eye contact with the girls sat around, fully clothed. Behind the rail, the stinging in your eyes subsides momentarily, and you take a second to contain yourself.  _ Not here, Y/N. You need to change quickly, so you can go and take care of yourself as soon as possible.  _ You slide the shorts on under your school skirt, before taking that off. As for the shirt, you’ve been given a tank top with mesh sleeves.  _ To cover up as much as possible.  _ Once that’s on, and you have calmed your breathing enough, you step out and stand with the other girls.

“Y/N, you look great!” Suhyun is by your side as soon as you’re visible again, and grabs for your arm. You nod at her to acknowledge the ‘compliment’, but you know it’s just to make you feel better. You know the truth. 

Everyone does. 

You don’t need their pity. 

You need to fix this.

“Girls, these are the outfits you’ll be wearing when we film. Assuming everything goes well with your dancers on Sunday, we’ll film Monday night. You have until then to perfect your routines, as well as yourselves.” Your eyes are on the ground, but you feel as though he’s burning holes into you.  _ Perfect yourself. Make yourself better. Do what needs to be done to debut.  _ “Now, change out of those, and team EXID, you have singing lessons. You’ll be hearing your finalised music. Team GD, you’ll be dancing. You four are going to be in heels, so we’ve got you some shoes to practice in.”

You all bow to him, and as you do you feel the rolls gathering under the tight fabric. Once he has left, you peel the clothes off as quickly as possible.

“Y/N, are we going to the music room together?” Suhyun is pulling up her sweatpants as you charge out the room.

“I just need the toilet.” You hear footsteps follow you, and your arm is tugged back.

“Y/N. Don’t let what they said get to you. You know you’re fine as you are; they’re just miserable because they can’t debut, remember?” Looking into your eyes, there’s something that resembles ‘frantic’ in her expression. You can’t care though; you feel the clothes on you, the elastic of your sports trousers digging in, the sleeves of your t-shirt cutting into your fat, fat arms. Your head is screaming at you. You need her to let you go. Now.

“Suhyun, let me go.” Her grip won’t loosen, and she grabs your other arm, holding you to look at her.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“Honestly? Right now I want you to fuck off.” You shake her off, and storm away. Your eyes are welling up, and you can barely see in front of you as you push yourself into the bathroom. Once inside the stall, you lock the door, and throw yourself onto the floor. 

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

Your fingers scrape the back of your throat, searching for your gag reflex.

_ Disgusting, fat, vile bitch. _

You cough, and finally feel as acid begins to push itself up from inside you.

_ Fucking stupid. Ugly twat. Useless wanker. _

The splatter from inside the bowl hits your face, not that it matters too much. The tears are falling, staining your cheeks as you think about how careless you’ve been. The flow slows, but you’re not done yet, desperate to get every ounce of poison out of you. You punch at your stomach, and in bursts the last drops come out. You lean back against the wall, and with your knees bent, you sob. Your elbow on your knee, you lean one hand against your forehead, and smack your head with the heel of your hand.

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupi- _

There’s a knock.

“Fuck OFF, Suhyun!”

It’s only silent for a moment, before another knock.

“Ugh, fine!” She always was persistent. You reach up to slide the lock across. “You’re too late anyway, I’m done in her-”

It’s not Suhyun standing outside the stall. Your mouth drops, your eyes bulge, and you jump to your feet.

“Teacher Yoo!”

His mouth is open as he takes in the sight before him. You step to the side, hoping to block the view of the toilet, but you know he’s already seen it. 

“I’m sorry I’m late, I’ll just be one moment. You can go back, I’ll be there soon.” You go to close the door, but he pushes against it. Stepping forward, his arms are around you, and he squeezes you so tightly. You hold your breath, unwilling to move. Shame washes over you. His head rests on top of your head. Your knees give way before you do, but as you sink to the floor you cry again. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.” You keep repeating yourself, head against his chest as he strokes your hair. He shushes you, stretching behind you to flush away what you’d done. You sniff, and you’re aware you’re ruining the sweater he’s wearing. Pulling away from him, you look up at him, and he looks so sorrowfully down at you.

“What happened?”

“We had to try on outfits, but Bora had made me eat cake, and I’ve worked for hard for my weigh-ins, but everyone was staring at me, and I need to debut.” Words are falling out; it’d been months since anyone new had found out about this, so explaining it feels like an almost new experience again. He pulls some toilet roll, and uses it to wipe away whatever had stained your face. He runs a hand over your head, cupping your cheek.

“You don’t need to do this to debut.”

“It’s more than that. I...I can’t explain it. I never wanted you to see me like this.”

“Does Suhyun know about this, then? You thought I was her.”

You nod once, and he sighs deeply, before pulling you back in.

“What are we going to do with you then, hm?”

“There’s nothing to be done.” You mumble against his chest. “I just need to look after myself better.”

“There has to be better ways…”

“Probably. But this is what I’ve got. So I need to deal with it.”

“I’m gonna pick you up tonight, okay? We’re gonna talk about this properly.”

You let out an exasperated sigh, already dreading it. He pulls you back once more, and looks into your eyes.

“As your singing teacher, I need to tell you this will ruin your voice.” You breathily laugh, and he brushes a strand of hair out of your face. “Speaking of, we need to go to lessons. I’ll leave now, if you follow a couple minutes later?” You nod once, and he stands. Holding a hand out to you, you’re pulled to your feet, and kissed on the forehead. Once he leaves, you lean over the sink, staring into the mirror in front of you. You had been so good lately.  _ Why did he have to find you now?  _ With a quick splash of water on your face, you pat your cheeks, shake your head, and smile at yourself in the mirror.

_ At least you were feeling lighter. _

 

-

 

“Where are you going?” Suhyun has a pocky in her mouth as she looks at you from the couch. Jimin is asleep next to her, and the credits of their weekly show roll on the screen.  It’s 11pm, and Kihyun has text you saying he’s parked up the street. 

“Just for a walk. Need to clear my head a bit.”

“Yeah, today got a bit intense.” She looks back to the screen, and guilt eats at you.

“Listen, Suhyun. I’m really sorry for today. For...telling you to fuck off…”

“Don’t worry about it. That bitch with the tape measurer was way out of line. She was mumbling about needing to put more elastic and padding in my shorts because ‘she has no shape - she’s like a boy up and down’.” She puts on an accent to imitate, and you laugh at the sour expression she wears as she says it. “But you know I’m always here for you. You’re better than all of that.”

“Thanks.”

“Just telling the truth. The shorts made your legs look really long. Almost as long as Nayoung’s.”

You laugh, and as you’re heading out you hear her smack Jimin with a pillow.

“Go to bed, dumb dumb!”

The door clicks behind you.

 

Once in the car, you drive around for a little while in silence. You eventually park up on a side street, and Kihyun holds out his hand to guide you to your final destination. A child’s play park. Sitting on the swings, you drag your feet through the wood chips and hold onto the metal chains.

“So, about today…”

“There’s nothing you can say that hasn’t already been said.” You cut in, and ramble out an explanation you’d prepared in your head. “Suhyun and Yeonmi and Dahye are the only ones in the dorm who know. They try their best to be supportive, but sometimes it just gets hard. Honestly until today I’d been okay for almost a month. It’s barely worth thinking about nowadays.”

“But how did it start? When?”

_ What a story... _ You gulp, and look at the chains above your head. There’s a kink in one of them, and it causes your swing to feel lopsided. Wiggling in your seat, the twist loosens, and you bounce down to be level again. You turn to smile at him, but his face is set.

“There was a trainee, Kathi. She had been in company for 3 years before she quit to become a lawyer. But when I joined, I really struggled with the diets. I started to get the hang of the portion controls, the extra exercise, but there were always moments when food would just be  _ there _ . The sunbae’s would treat us to pizza. Someone’s mother would bake for us. People couldn’t be bothered to cook, so we ordered too much take out. I would cry at weigh-ins. I could only shift 2 or 3 pounds each month, no matter how hard I tried. Then, for about 2 weeks, I didn’t eat anything more than 3 bananas each day. I ended up in hospital and was put on a drip. While I was there, Kathi visited me, and told me her secret. ‘ _ Only for emergencies _ ’, she told me. But she had great self-control. She was strong, so it never got out of hand with her.” When she left, Kathi had laughed, and bragged about all the amazing food she could eat now. ‘ _ Better yet, I won’t need to taste it twice!’  _ No one else had understood the joke - that one was just for you.

“Since some of the girls had found out, I’ve been trying to get a grip on it. But it’s not just food. I get bad grades; something bad happens back home; I embarrass myself in front of one of the managers - it’s like the only way I can feel like I’m back in control of myself. The one thing I dictate, no matter what.” You twist in the swing to look at him, and his eyebrows are knitted tightly together as your words sink in. You laugh awkwardly, and twist back. “I know it probably sounds crazy, but I’ve actually been doing better. Before today, I’d been okay for almost a month. It’s just this one little vice.”

“Smoking is a vice. This is serious.”

“Not really; tonnes of idols have it way worse than me.”

“Does the company know?”

“If they do, they haven’t said anything.” You suddenly panic. “Please don’t tell them, Kihyun! They’ll kick me out, or they’ll lock me up in some psych ward! Please, I can’t lose this opportunity! I need to debut, okay?”

“Your health should be more important than debuting, Y/N!”

“It is! I take my vitamins, I drink lots of honey and lemon, I’ve started going to the gym with the other girls on Saturdays when we aren’t rehearsing - it’s not like I’m starving myself!” He was starting to irritate you, in the same way Yeonmi always did when she spoke to you about your health.

“But this isn’t better. This is still so damaging; you should know you’re better than this!”

“Listen, Kihyun.” The aggravation is clear in your voice, and you practically spit your words at him. “This isn’t something you get a say in, unfortunately. You weren’t supposed to find out about this, but since you have, you can either accept it for what it is, or fuck off. I’m doing my best to look after myself, but you trying to tell me off is not helping. If you want to argue about it, fine, try your best. But I’ll just walk home now and we can call this whole thing off.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I fucking do!” You stand up, throwing the swing back and causing him to jump. “Don’t tell me shit I don’t already know like I’m stupid. This is my thing, I’m doing my best, but all that’s happening now is you’re making me feel shitty and if you can’t get off your high horse and accept this then we’ve not got a chance in hell.” You start to storm off, but he follows you, jumping in front of you and holding you by your wrists to stop you.

“Stop, stop, stop! I’m really sorry, okay? It’s just...a lot to take in.” He runs his hands up and down your arms. “I just want you to be okay, and the idea of you hurting yourself or upsetting yourself just worry me a lot.” He pulls you in, and your arms hold onto his waist as he hugs your shoulders. “You’re so fantastic, I wish I could help you see that, is all.”

“I am trying, I promise.”

“I thought you were really gonna walk off and leave me then, you know?”

“I can be a little overdramatic when I’m mad.”

He laughs, and you look up at him.

“Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Nothing, unfortunately. I can’t promise you anything about it, either, so please don’t ask.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. But if you’re ever feeling really crappy, and Suhyun or the other girls aren’t around, call me, okay? Even if you just want a chat.”

“I’ll try.”

He bobs down to kiss you, and whispers against your lips when he pulls away.

“I love you so much, okay?”

“Weird response to this whole thing, I’ll be honest.” He laughs, before kissing you again. “I love you too.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this is a long chapter. by which i mean, 5k worth of a chapter.  
> 2nd warning: it gets a lil bit smutty. if that aint your cup of tea, then you can kinda see when its about to get a bit TMI so just leave your kudos and close the tab ;-)  
> for reals tho, thanks for all the comments and kudos guys <3

“5, 6, 7, 8!”

Teacher Chae counts the Girl’s Day team in once more, and you can see their agony as exhaustion kicks in. The fact they're in 4 inch heels probably isn’t helping.

Doyeon unties the laces of the army boots your team are wearing.

“Uh-huh. Bad idea.” Dahye fans herself with a magazine.

“Why?”

“The second you take these bad boys off, your feet will swell and you won’t be able to put them on again.”

“That's not true.”

“Is too! The relief of pressure will cause them to blow up like balloons.”

Though she remains doubtful, Doyeon slowly re-ties her shoes.

The song comes to an end, and Jimin instantly falls to the floor. Yoojung laughs, and lies on top of her. 

“Don’t take your shoes off girls, you won’t be able to put them back on.” Teacher Chae eyes up Nayoung, who had a shoe in her hand. Dahye laughs, and hits Doyeon with her magazine.

“Told ya.”

“Your dancers are coming in now, so everyone stand up and show some manners.”

You all hustle to get up, standing in a line of age order. You all place your hands in front of you as Teacher Chae opens the door and calls into the hallway. In walks 8 dancers - 4 female, 4 male. 

“Team GD, these lovely ladies will be dancing with you. Team EXID, you’re with the male dancers. Please greet them.”

“Thank you for working with us.” You could practically feel Dahye buzzing with excitement as you all bow low, and rise together. The dancers nod their heads politely, before Teacher Chae claps his hands.

“Enough with that. Team EXID. Let’s go!” 

You all stand in your positions, with the male dancers in front. You practice without music to begin with, at half speed with Teacher Chae counting out loud for you all. The routine goes well, with only a few spacing issues, and then comes your main part in the routine - a body roll against the dancer. Unfortunately, Chae’s phone rings at that moment, and you all pause waiting for instruction.

“Hyunwoo.”

“Excuse me?” Your hand is round his neck, and your back is arched.

“My name. Hyunwoo.” He’s broad, with dark hair cut very short. He’s in a black tank top and black sweatpants, with a cap on his head.

“Y/N. Nice to be working with you.”

“You ever danced with guys before?”

“Not in this setting.” He laughs at your joke, and because of your proximity you feel his breath on your face. 

“You need to relax more. It’s exactly the same as dancing with girls.”

Normally at this point, you would be dancing with the air. Or, if they weren’t doing anything, Nayoung would step in for you. He may insist that it's the same, but you certainly felt more relaxed laughing about with Nayoung than you do right now. Your rigidity is apparent to Hyunwoo.

“Would you feel better if I told you I was gay? Or had a girlfriend?”

“Are either of those true?”

“No, but we can pretend.” Another warm breathy laugh on your face, and Teacher Chae finally hangs up.

“5, 6, 7, 8!”

 

-

 

“We are so. Damn. Lucky.”

Dahye is chewing on carrot sticks for lunch on Sunday, while you're sat beside her against a wall doing a practice exam paper.

“Will you keep it in your pants for five seconds?”

“I’m more jealous of you than anyone I've ever met. You literally roll up against him-” She does a movement to emulate you “-then have him grabbing at you and keeping you all close. It gives me shivers.” An exaggerated shiver to prove her point.

“The only thing we are lucky about is getting to wear flats.”

You’d spent all Saturday and most of Sunday morning dancing with Hyunwoo, whom you’d learnt was a man of few words, but the words he made were often jokes and attempts to make you laugh. By the end of your practices, you really did feel like you were just dancing with one of the girls. You’d been instructed that you’d be having a full dress rehearsal after lunch, and the clock now read 2.20. Only 10 minutes before you needed to go and get changed. Luckily your lunch today was light - just some pots of raisins, almonds, seeds. Give you energy? Yes. Weigh you down? No.

“Apparently they’re gonna let us film in the sunbae’s dance studio too. They’re gonna give us dark lighting to make it all seem edgy and intense.” Nayoung shuffles over to join your conversation, hands on her ankles as she scoots across the floor.

“Maybe our debut song is gonna be a sexy song too then. Wouldn’t THAT be something else?”

“The kids are too young for that. I reckon it’ll be a girl-crush kinda vibe.” 

“Sexy would explain why we’re doing Girl’s Day and EXID, though.”

“Yeah, but we are also gonna cover a Twice song for our full group song.”

“How  do you know this stuff?” Dahye eyes you suspiciously, and you shove a handful of sunflower seeds into your mouth.

“I ask questions, is all. In singing lessons, and stuff.”

“Oooh, so it was Teacher Yoo giving you all this inside info?” Her voice is mocking, and she’s wearing a sly grin.

“What inside info?” The three of you jump, and crouching beside you is the subject of your conversation. He smiles down at you all, and you look down at the small tupperware in front of you.

“Teacher Yoo! Didn’t see you there - what are you doing here?”

“I work here, Dahye-sshi. Where else would I be?” You cackle once, happy to see the previously sly smile drop. Nayoung snickers under her breath, and Kihyun stands upright. “No, me and the coaches have come to see all your hard work. After lunch we’re going to review your performances, then you guys are filming tomorrow.”

“Wait, you’re watching us?!” You finally look at him, and he cocks an eyebrow at you quizzically.

“Yes, Y/N-sshi.” The honorific sounds heavy and out of place. “That isn’t an issue, is it?”

“No, sir.” Nodding once, he walks over to the other girls, whom were currently speaking with Manager Park.

“Damn, Y/N. You’ll have Teacher Yoo watching you dance. Time to show your sexy side!”

“That is the LAST thing I want to do right now.” You shake your head and drink from your water bottle. Your mouth feels unquenchably dry, and your palms have begun to sweat. 

“Right girls, go get changed!” 

 

When you return, the staff members all sit on chairs against the back wall, and the only lights on are the spotlights in the space where you’ll be performing. You all stand in front of them, in age order, and following your lead, the girls bow before their audience. Normally, you perform facing the mirror, but today the mirror is behind you and rather than your own judgement, you have those of professionals. Of Rap Teacher Min, Dance Teacher Chae, Manager Park, and...Teacher Yoo.

_ Kihyun. _

“We’ll start with Team GD. I know you want to take your heels off as soon as possible.” An awkward laugh rumbles through the girls, and you hear Teacher Min snicker, eyes peering out from the mint green fringe being pushed down by a beanie.

As you sit in front of your teachers and watch, you forget your nerves as pride overwhelms you. This is the first time you’ve heard their recording, and you’re blown away with how good they sound, and how well they sync along with it. Nayoung’s rap, the way Yoojung and Yeonmi keep smiling through their performance despite the heels, Jimin’s high notes. When it’s done, you’re on your feet, and you can barely hear the girl’s panting as you cheer for them.

“Very good girls. You can relax now; we’ll be happy to film that tomorrow.”

Yoojung and Jimin jump up and down, holding onto each other excitedly. Nayoung shakes hands with all the dancers, and Yeonmi sinks to the floor, wasting no time in peeling the leather pumps off her red, aching feet. They sit in your places, and your team rises and stands in position. Beside each of you, your male dancers stand.

“If you stand on my foot, I’ll kick your ass.” Hyunwoo is facing the mirror as he whispers to you, and you giggle quietly. Over his shoulder, you see Kihyun, though it’s too dark to make out his expression entirely. Your smile drops slightly, and you inhale deeply.

“Don’t panic; we got this.” Hyunwoo’s words are comforting, and you nod once as the music starts.

The dance goes on without a hitch. From the second Suhyun starts lip-syncing, right until Dahye’s final line, you nail it. Since your performance isn’t  live singing, you don’t need to worry too much about the line you’d struggled over too much; you just focus on your dancing, and your expressions. You’re covering Hani, who’s famous for her sexy fancams and incredible stage presence. You do everything you can to emulate that, no matter how ridiculous it may seem;  _ this is for our debut, after all.  _ Similar to your response, the girls from team GD all clap and cheer for you, and as the music stops you come out of your final poses. You let your shoulders slump slightly as you beam at them, and before you know it you’re being lifted up from behind.

“Told you we’d crush it.” Hyunwoo spins you once, before setting you down. You laugh, resting a hand on his arm to steady yourself.

“Dream team!” You hold out your hand for a high five, and he holds onto you for a moment longer. Looking over, it’s still too dark to read the face of the one who’s worrying you the most, so you take this as your cue to exit. Bowing once, you leave Hyunwoo and go and sit with your team. Behind you, Kihyun has taken out his phone and is scrolling through, the light shining on a disinterested, almost bored expression. You gulp, and reach for your phone to send him a message, but as the main lights come back on, Manager Park’s voice halts you.

“Right girls. I hate to say it, but I don’t think there’s much more we can offer you for these performances. Both teams seem to have done wonderfully; repeat this tomorrow,  and you girls will have one of the strongest debut’s this company has ever seen.” Mumbles spread through the room. “Any feedback, Teachers?”

“Nayoung, work on your expressions a little more while performing. You’re coming across a little vacant again; we’ve talked about ‘Stone Nayoung’, right?” Teacher Chae leans forward in his chair as he directs. “Doyeon, maybe practice your body rolls in the chorus a little more. You’ve nearly got it, you just need to loosen up a little more. And Yeonmi, when you’re stamping be a little  _ less  _ forceful; you’re not trying to break into the basement.” Yeonmi laughs, and Teacher Chae sits back. “Otherwise, you’ve all done very well.”

“Dahye and Nayoung, your rap comes out very well in the recordings; have a little more attitude when you’re delivering them in your performances. Especially Dahye: go home and watch L.E perform live. She’s all about the swag - try capture that.” Dahye nods eagerly, and Nayoung pats her on the back.

“Teacher Yoo? Anything to say?”

He looks up from his phone, and scans the room. His eyes seem to stare above you, almost through you.

“You all did great in recording. Jimin and Suhyun, we’ve worked hard on those high notes, so you should be proud of yourselves. When you were performing, you didn’t overact; it seemed like you were genuinely singing. But what’s most important is all of you seemed to really be enjoying yourself.” No longer through you, the stare is deep. “Maybe the girls with the male dancers a little too much.” The room laughs, and an eyebrow cocks as he returns to his phone. You hate how petty the situation feels, because he knows you don’t have a chance to challenge him. To defend yourself. Gnawing at the side of your cheek, you bring your knees to your chest and rest your chin on top. “You should all thank your dancers though, they did an excellent job today. It seems like they all helped you and made you very comfortable.” It’s almost flippant, the way his voice is laced in sarcasm. It’s only noticeable to you, but it’s so apparent it’s almost tangible. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go work on a solo album with your sunbae.” He rises, and the other teachers do the same. 

“Your dancers are going home now. You should consider practicing maybe once or twice more, but I think more than anything, you girls should go home early and rest. We want you looking fresh for filming tomorrow. Come straight from school; no internet cafes along the way...I’m looking at you, maknaes.” Suhyun, Yoojung and Jimin blush, awkward giggles leaking out as they recall all the times they’ve been tardy because they wanted to shop online.

Manager Park is the final staff member to leave, and Hyunwoo walks over and holds a hand out to pull you up. You accept it, and are on your feet beside him.

“When you guys make it big, I want a shout out in the album acknowledgements.”

“Of course. Who needs parents and friends and teachers? The most important guy is the one who spent 10 minutes yesterday talking about how cute he thinks every animal ever is.” He laughs sarcastically, tossing his head back and placing a hand on his stomach.

“What are you doing after this? You wanna grab a drink?” Your eyes bulge at his question involuntarily, and he stutters over his words. “I didn’t mean...sorry I just...you just seem like a lot of fun, is all.”

“No, no, no! Sorry, I didn’t mean to…” You wave your hands in front of you, embarrassed at your response. “I’d love to, but I…” You look around, and duck your head in. “I’m kinda seeing someone. I don’t know how he’d feel about this. I don’t think he was too pleased with the fact I was dancing with male dancers anyway, to be honest.” You were 99.9% sure he wasn’t.

“Oooooh, no, that’s totally cool. I didn’t realise.” He lifts his cap and runs a hand through his hair, before putting it back on. “Does the company know?”

“No! And if you could please not tell anyone, that’d be really good.”

“Don’t worry, Y/N. Your secret is safe with me.” He pretends to zip his lip, and throw away the tag. You grin at him. “But you can’t go having a guy that gets jealous of things like male dancers. It’s part of the job. Sure, I tried hitting on you - if you could not tell HIM that; I don’t want anyone coming and kicking my ass - but that’s like a one in a million occurrence. And now I know, we’ll just continue being the Dream Team.”

“Will you guys be our dancers after we debut too?”

“Maybe. Normally each group gets a specific dance team, and none of us have been assigned to any girl groups in the company yet.”

“Awesome. You can continue to be my gay-with-girlfriend dancing buddy."

He laughs again, his eyes creasing up.

“You look like a bear when you do that.”

He intentionally makes his smile bigger, and you laugh hard. You could certainly keep working with Hyunwoo, if it didn’t make things too complicated…

 

-

 

You had text him twice while still in the building, to no response.  _ He’s probably hard at work, Y/N.  _ You use this reasoning to motivate yourself to keep dancing. Then, all 8 of you go to the gym to prepare for tomorrow’s performance. You’re an hour into your work out, just cooling down and readying yourself for a shower, when your phone goes off.

 

**I need to see you.**

 

Something about it - the short, sharp statement - ties a knot in your stomach.  _ He’s breaking up with me. This is it.  _ You stare down at your phone, still panting from the running.

“Y/N, you nearly done?” Nayoung’s voice snaps you out of it. 

 

**I’m at the gym right now x**

 

**I’ll come pick you up. Give me half an hour.**

 

“I think I’m gonna keep going. I had a huge lunch.” Using the back of your hand, you dab your forehead, before starting the treadmill up again. Nayoung side-eyes you, and Suhyun pats her on the shoulder.

“We’ll come home later, okay Stone-sshi?”

“Stop calling me that!”

“‘We’ve talked about Stone Nayoung, right?’” Suhyun imitates Teacher Chae, her attempts at his deep  Gwangju accent not quite doing him justice. Suhyun laughs, and Nayoung rolls her eyes, though it’s true the rest of her face hides any annoyance she’s feeling. Or maybe she truly doesn’t care.

Suhyun steps onto the machine beside you, and presses the buttons to start running.

“You don’t need to stay.” Your conversation is broken up by panting as each of you set your pace.

“Neither do you, but here we are.”

“I can do this by myself.”

“But you don’t need to.”

“But I want to!”

“Okay, what is going on?”

Suhyun slows to a walk, and spins to face you, leaning her elbows on the sides of the treadmill as she strolls backwards.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Unrelenting, you run beside her.

“You’ve been very secretive lately - you were taking ages after singing lessons when we had solo lessons, you go out for random late night walks, you are VOLUNTEERING to stay late in the gym. The other day me and Jimin were skipping chemistry and walked past your high school, and we couldn’t find you anywhere!”

“Wait, you were skipping?”

“Don’t change the subject!” She reaches across and turns your machine off. The whirring it had been giving off slows, before silencing all together. You stand still, looking at your feet. “Where are you going, Y/N? We worry about you - if this is a food thing, or if things are happening at school, you’ve gotta tell us. You’re our friend. You’re one of my best friends, even.”

You sigh deeply, and lift your head. Suhyun’s eyebrows are furrowed, and the concern on her face makes the guilt from lying to her unbearable. 

“Please, Y/N. Just tell me what's going on.”

“You can’t tell  _ anyone _ , alright? Not Jimin, or Yoojung, or ANYONE.”

She nods furiously, eyes wide and blinking hard. The inside of your cheek is being bitten raw as you prepare yourself.

“I’m seeing someone.”

“WHAT?!” Her hand masks her mouth, and you put a finger to your lips as you shush her. “Oh my god.  Since when?”

“A couple of months?”

“This is insane. I thought you were like, I don’t know, doing drugs or being bullied or part of some sort of cult that only met when the sun went down!”

Your face twists in confusion and disgust, nose scrunched and eyes narrow. She laughs, and rests a hand on the treadmill. 

“Oh my god, I feel ridiculous. But, oh my god, Y/N! This is so exciting! Who is he? When can we meet him?”

“You can’t.”

“What? Why?” She elongates the ‘y’, her voice whiny and disappointed.

“Because the company can’t know.”

“Oh my god, is he from the company? Is he a sunbae? Is he a dancer? Oh my god; is it Hyunwoo?! I thought you were getting along very well, but how did you meet him before this week?!”

“It’s not Hyunwoo! It’s  not a sunbae either, so don’t go spreading nasty rumours around, okay? That’ll get me in almost as much trouble as the truth.”

You’ve disclosed too much, you realise, as you see revelation glisten in her eyes. Pupils wide, mouth hanging open, she cups her face with her hands and utters ‘ohmygodohmygodohmygod’ on repeat. You step away from the exercise equipment, and hear her hurried steps as she follows you into the changing room. All the other girls have left at this point, so the only sounds around are those of a leaking shower head, water drops echoing around you. Perhaps it’s this hush, or the secret you’ve just revealed, but Suhyun whispers to you.

“It’s Teacher Yoo!”

You nod to her, but rather than look in her direction just open your locker and grab the shampoo, conditioner, and towel you have crammed in your gym bag. You take them to your shower cubicle, and Suhyun continues to follow you. You drop the towel on her shoulder.

Closing the curtain behind you, she stands outside the stall as you strip, push your clothes out of the stall, and turn the water on.

“I can’t actually believe this. Teacher. Yoo. Like, beautiful, talented, wonderful Teacher Yoo. OUR singing teacher!”

“I’m aware of these things.”

“That’s why he was scheduling you for late singing lessons.”

“Yep.”

“And when you vanish at lunch times?”

“He comes and picks me up, and we have lunch together.”

A squeal can be heard rolling off the bathroom tiles. You ignore it, and lather shampoo into your hair.

“That is so freakin’ cute!”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“So is that where you’re going tonight?”

“I think he’s breaking up with me.”

“WHAT?!” The shower curtain is pulled back, and you turn with wide eyes.

“Privacy, Suhyun!”

“Like there’s anything I haven’t seen before.” Despite this, she closes the curtain again. “Why is he breaking up with you?!”

“He was not happy with the male dancers. He wouldn’t speak to me, or reply to any of my messages. Then he just said he needs to see me. No kisses, no emojis, nothing.  He even put a full stop at the end.”

“My god. Not a dreaded full stop! Whatever next?”

“When was the last time you used a full stop in a text?” Conditioner done with, you quickly wash the sweat off, and stretch a hand out for a towel. You feel the fabric,  and you wrap it around yourself before walking to see her staring at you. “I think with our debut coming around so quickly, he’s probably just not wanting to risk anything else. I don’t blame him. Look what happened to Teacher Lee.”

“I can’t believe you’re only just telling me now! How have you kept this secret for so long?”

“I didn’t want to put any of you girls in an awkward situation. If the company suspected anything, and asked questions, you shouldn’t have to lie for me. That’d be terrible.”

“Awwwww, Y/N. That is the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.” You had been running a brush through your hair, but you stop to turn and look at her. “Like we don’t lie to the company every single day. You think they know me and Jimin skip school? Or Nayoung is failing Geometry? Or Dahye has been sleeping with that guy from the club for the past week?”

“She’s been doing what?!”

She nods, sticking her chin out. 

“She sneaks out after you’ve gone to sleep, and comes back before you wake up. Or at least, she is in the kitchen by the time you’re awake.”

“I can’t believe she kept this from me!”

“She thought you were like, stressed out of your mind! She didn’t wanna tell you anything that’d stress you out further.” You duck into a toilet cubicle to get dressed, so call out to her.

“I can’t believe I never noticed that. I snuck Kihyun in once, you know?”

“YOU DID?! WHEN?! Also I love that you call him ‘Kihyun’. It’s so weird to think he has a first name.”

“Well I’m not gonna call him ‘Teacher Yoo’ the whole time, am I?”

“Call it out in the middle of the night and stuff. That’d be gross.”

“You’re gross.”

“If it makes you feel more in-the-loop, she’s going out to see him tonight as well. So if this meet-up is heart-breaking, you can just come sit in with us - I’ll make Yoojung sleep on the floor or something.”

“Thank you for that.” Emerging once more, you look at your phone.

 

**Which gym do you use? I’ll pick you up.**

 

“Speaking of which, I need to go and face my fate. How are you gonna get home?”

“I was blessed with legs - I think they’ll get me where I need to be.”

“It’s nearly 8.”

“And it’s getting lighter every day. I’ll call Chickee the entire walk home, promise.”

You walk out of the gym together, and you see car lights on waiting for you. Suhyun also notices, but pretends not to as she averts her eyes back to you.

“It’s all gonna be fine.”

“Thanks, I hope so.”

She reaches out and strokes your arm, and smiles.

“I’ll see you at home?”

“Definitely.” She turns, and you call to her. “Suhyun!” Facing you once more, you beam at her. “I love you, and all the girls. Don’t forget that.” She seems taken aback by the confession, and giggles.

“Shut up and go see Teacher Yoo.”

_ Right...Teacher Yoo… _

You open the car door, and the knot that you thought had subsided as you spoke to Suhyun is wriggling and writhing in your stomach, making itself known as you prepare for the bad news. Inside the car, the radio talks about increasing temperatures as you enter the summer months. He doesn’t say anything, but you hear his seatbelt unclick. You turn to look at him, and in that moment, you’re caught.

Leaning across the console, his hand cups your face and his mouth is on yours. You’re shocked, but soon enough welcome what’s going on, your hand finding its way to his hair, which you grab at in tufts. His tongue is warm against your lips, and you open to give him entrance, playfully nipping away. His hand moves from your face down, behind your back as he pulls you as close as possible, but the location of the car creates its boundaries. 

“Ow, Kihyun, stop.” You mumble against him, and he creates space between you - just enough to speak, but still so, so close to him.

“Sorry, did I bite you?” He chuckles, and pecks at your jaw.

“No, not you.” A kiss breaks up your explanation. “It’s just a little...awkward.” He pulls away, and looks down to see you’re both pressed right against the centre, but unable to meet completely. 

“Sorry, I just...I really needed to see you.” Another kiss, much softer, with less rush than before.

“I thought you were gonna break up with me when you sent that.” You laugh against his lips, but your statement has him leaning back.

“Break up with you?”

“Well, you weren’t replying to my messages, and you seemed so...mad. After the performance, I mean.”

“Oh, no, babe. I wasn’t mad.” He places a hand on your thigh, and strokes lightly. “I just...seeing you with him, seeing you against him...It was just too much for me.”

“Too much?” He’s leaning back in, like being apart from your lips for too long will kill him.

“I wanted to be there.” Each statement is emphasised with a kiss. First your lips, then your cheek. “I wanted to hold you.” Whispered, and his mouth is on your ear. “To feel you.”

“Oh...OH.” His tongue is swirling against your skin, and his breath is hot on you. “Well, um, Kihyun...I’ve learnt something today that might come of interest to you.”

“Hm?” It’s a mumble against your skin, and he kisses your neck.

“Dahye sneaks out every night. I could text her, so she knows I know. That might be enough for her to leave earlier.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Certain.”

“But...are you sure about  _ this? _ ” He’s finally moved away, and you both know what is being implied with your invitation. He looks hard at you, and the hand on your thigh slides to rest on your knee. You cover it with yours, and look straight at him.

“I thought you were about to break up with me! That panic - honestly I’ve probably never been more sure of anything than right now.” 

 

After an initially disgruntled phone call with Dahye that ended with ‘I’m so glad you know - don’t wait up for me!’ you and Kihyun drive to your dorm. He parks outside, and after you exchange pleasantries with the 2 still-awake members, you shut yourself in your room and send the ‘all clear’ message. Window open, it's a matter of minutes until you see the branches shake as new weight climbs up them. He pokes his head up, before clambering across the windowsill. You contain your laugh, a finger pressed to your lips.

“Shh! You’re gonna get us caught!”

He takes hold of your hand, and you both sit on the edge of the bed.

“Are you sure about this?” He strokes the side of your face, and you shudder. “We can just lay down if you want? Or even just sleep a little bit?”

You take his hand, and guide it to hold you behind your back, pulling yourself closer with it. You have the other do the same, before kneeling up and straddling yourself in his lap.

“I love you, Kihyun.”

One kiss is all it takes. All that's needed to show him; you're ready.

 

-

 

Shirts off. 

Hands down your side. 

Kisses. Tongues.

Denim tightening beneath you.

Being laid back against the pillows, with a mouth moving lower, lower, lower.

“Can I…?”

A nod. Sweatpants off. Underwear off. His mouth on you.

“Oh my god.”

Vibrations against you. He’s laughing.

“Stay quiet, baby girl.”

Hands in the covers.

Building. Warming. More. More.

“Please. Don’t stop.”

He doesn't.

Bliss.

Facing each other again. Kisses. Denim still tight.

“Should I, erm, do something?”

“I’ve got it.”

Jeans off. Hands moving quickly beneath boxers.

“You sure about this?”

“Positive.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A wrapper rustles. Boxers off. Steal a glance. A silent gasp.

“Okay?”

Nodding. Arms beside you. 

Lining up. One more kiss.

Pressure.

“Ah!”

“Does it hurt?”

You shake your head.

His hand behind your head. Backwards, and forwards. Slowly. Noises escape your mouth.

“I love you so much, Y/N.” 

Can’t speak. Feeling too much. Too good.

Deeper. Faster. His mouth on yours. Moans barely muffled.

Skin on skin. 

Hands down his back.

Forehead on yours.

“Nearly there.”

“Come.”

He does. You feel him shake against you. 

Hold him close. 

Kisses on your shoulder, along your collarbone, up your neck. 

Finds your mouth.

“Was that okay?”

Hand brushes hair out your face. Warm breath. Hot skin. 

“That was perfect.”

 

-

 

After he pulls out, and disposes of the condom, he lays back down beside you. His chest is against your back, and your legs intertwine beneath the covers. He nuzzles the back of your neck, and you giggle softly.

“I thought people felt sleepy after sex, but I feel more awake than ever.”

“That’ll wear off.” Kihyun yawns against your skin. Sure enough, it spurs on a similar reaction, and you feel a drowsy wave take over as his arm tighten around you.

“I love you so much, Yoo Kihyun.”

“I love you too. So, so much.”

“I wish we could do this every day.”

“Was I that good?” He chuckles softly as his words turn to whispers.

“I wanna be close to you, all the time. Lay in bed, talking, not worrying.”

“One day, we will.”

His breathing slows, and you're sure he's not aware of what either of you are saying, but you're so comfortable like this. The way he keeps you warm, and safe, and makes you feel loved. It's enough to settle you down for the night, and you drift off absentmindedly running your fingers up and down his arm, praying you never forget how good he has made you feel tonight. 


End file.
